


Forgive Me?

by Evelynn_1967



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: A lot - Freeform, Angry Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Angry Merlin (Merlin), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arthur screws up, Curses, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Good Morgana (Merlin), Happy Ending, How Do I Tag, Hurt Merlin (Merlin), I'm Bad At Tagging, Major Character Injury, Merlin Leaves Camelot (Merlin), Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), Morgana Knows about Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Morgana's Magic Revealed (Merlin), Multi, Nightmares, Protective Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), dumbass arthur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:53:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 41,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25123471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evelynn_1967/pseuds/Evelynn_1967
Summary: ~Based on the Witchfinder episode from season 2 only Gaius is unable to step in and take the blame for Merlin.~Merlin is in pain, Arthur can't understand his feelings, along with unfortunate timings and miscommunications cause problems left and right. Can Arthur come to his senses in time to win Merlin's forgiveness? Or will everything go up in flames?
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 24
Kudos: 197





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fan fiction, I mostly wrote this as a way to get back into writing and because the idea wouldn't leave me alone, so hope you all like it and I apologize in advance if it's all over the place. Anyway, lemme know whatcha think!

It had been days since the Witchfinder had accused Merlin of sorcery, and rightfully so, as it was him that had done the magic but Merlin refused to confess to the crimes as he hadn’t done the other things he was being accused of. All he had done was make the smoke change shape, he hadn’t harmed anyone.

Gaius had tried to tell them that the amulet that was found was actually his but no one believed him. They said he was trying to protect Merlin and that’s why he was trying to take the fall.

Day after day Aredian would come and take Merlin from his cell and do all manner of things to him to try and gain a confession from him.

Merlin was curled in the corner of his cell on the ninth day staring at the wall.

“Merlin?” A voice called softly to him. Soft enough that he couldn’t tell who it was or even if it was real. He ignored it curling in on himself tighter but whimpered, as shooting pain laced through his side from the broken ribs.

“Merlin?” The voice called again a little louder this time. Merlin sighed and made himself sit up and look around, he saw a small grate that he hadn’t noticed before, someone had their fingers through it, “Merlin please tell me this is the right cell?” The voice came again only then did he recognize the voice as Gwen’s.

“Gwen?” Merlin asked quietly, moving closer to the grate.

“Oh good, it is your cell. I was worried I had the wrong one. No one is allowed down to see you but I needed to tell you to hold out a little longer. Gaius and I are working to find something to clear your name.”

“Thank you Gwen. Please, both of you be careful I don’t want you guys getting into trouble trying to save me.”

“Of course we’ll be careful. Just you hold on. Don’t do anything stupid and get into more trouble then you are right now.” She said gently.

“I’ll try my best.” Merlin said quietly, sighing heavily since it was his stupidity that got him in this mess in the first place.

“We’ll get you out Merlin. Don’t lose hope.” She said kindly, “I must go before someone finds me here.”

“Of course. Go, like I said I don’t want you in trouble over me.”

Gwen left quickly, Merlin listened to her footsteps retreating until he she was out of earshot. Alone again he laid back down a small breath of relief slipped out from resting his aching body. The relief was short lived, however, as he heard a new set of footsteps, approaching the cell door this time, and knew that he was going to be taken back to Aredian again. The cell door swung open with a screech of rusty hinges and a bucket of cold water was tossed over him, making him gasp, “get up boy.” Aredian growled from the doorway. Merlin forced himself to stand again his body screaming, the guards came in and grabbed him roughly by the arms as usual and forced him out the door and to Aredian’s room.

“Come on boy. Just tell me the truth and this with be easier on you. All this pain ends, just as soon as you confess.” He said sitting down across from Merlin after hours of trying to force a confession out of him, “Confess and we’ll be done here. I don’t know what you think you’re gaining by not confessing, you have no one left anyway. I doubt that whatever spell you had on Gaius to convince him to protect you will hold much longer and as soon as that breaks he will reject you, All the people you had fooled by your little act are seeing through it now. You have nothing and no one left here. Whatever you were planning, whatever nefarious deeds you were going to commit have been stopped. You have no reason to hold out on your confession, all you’re doing is drawing out the pain and delaying the inevitable. You don’t even have your position in the royal household any longer, you’ve been replaced as Arthur servant already. Arthur won’t take you back even if you escaped this some how. He’s disgusted that his servant was practicing magic and is glad to be rid of you. So no matter what you think you gain from holding out you’re wrong.”

Merlin who had simply stared straight ahead at the wall through most of Aredian’s little speech but dropped his gaze to the floor, when Aredian spoke of Arthur.

Aredian knew he hit his mark and continued, “Ah, I can tell what you’re thinking boy, and everything I said was true. Even of the forgiving Arthur, he hates you, I doubt he could stand to look at you.” Aredian said pressing his advantage, “You know he’s fully aware of what I’m doing down here to get the truth from you. He asked and I told him of my methods and he said that he’s glad, that you should be punished like this before you die for the lies you told him and for whatever you may have been planning to do. That a monster like you deserves what I’m doing.”

Merlin’s shoulders hunched forward like he was trying to protect himself from these words that he didn’t want to believe but figured that it was true as it was what he had feared already.

“So Merlin, with all that in mind, that you have failed whatever purpose you served by being Arthur’s servant, and no one will help you or care for you should you get away, will you confess to using sorcery?” Aredian asked quietly.

His question floated around them in the silence, until Merlin, broken, tired and in pain both physically and mentally, looked up at Aredian and nodded, “I confess to being a sorcerer and to using magic. I confess to doing everything I’ve been accused of.” He said slouching forward in the chair he was bound to.

A wicked sort of smiled stretch across Aredian’s face, “good.”

The guards came back into the room, they got Merlin out of the chair and dragged him along behind Aredian up to the council room, they brought him in front of Uther, Arthur, and the rest of the court.

“My lord the boy is ready to confess to his crimes.” Aredian said, forcing Merlin to his knees.

Merlin knelt, hands bound in front of him and finally forced himself to look up to where Uther stood. He could see Arthur sitting off to the side as usual but Arthur was looking resolutely away from Merlin, Morgana was on the other side of Uther looking at Merlin sadly.

“Well then boy, speak. What is it you have to confess?” Uther demanded.

Merlin swallowed hard seeing Gaius and Gwen standing to the side of the room, Gwen covering her mouth with her hand, both of them had tears in their eyes. Gaius subtly shook his head trying to get Merlin not to say anything, but Merlin just looked back to Uther, “I admit that I am a sorcerer, I practice and use magic. I used magic to change the shape of the smoke, I have done all that I am accused of.” Merlin said dropping his gaze back to the floor.

“Then you have to suffer the consequences. You are charged with treason and will be put to death. You’ll be burned at the stake at sunrise three days hence.” Uther said firmly.

Merlin looked one last time at Arthur who was still refusing to look at Merlin, his shoulders tensed, a disgusted look twisting his features. Merlin was dragged from the room, down the hall and shoved into his cell roughly, the door slamming shut behind him, making him flinch a little.

Merlin stayed in his corner the rest of the day and all of the next as well, not moving, if it went for the slight rise and fall of his chest the guards would’ve thought he was already dead. Meanwhile his mind just kept repeating, _he hates me,_ over and over again, causing a lump to form in his throat and his eyes burn but no tears came, he was too hurt even to cry.

He heard shouting from somewhere else in the castle, then a crash. Merlin frowned a little distantly wondering what was going on but didn’t have it in him to speculate.

His cell door swung open a while later, he didn’t bother moving to look at whoever it was, “Merlin, you’re free to go,” a gentle voice said.

Merlin was sure he was probably hallucinating but slowly moved to look at the door and saw it was Sir Leon standing in the doorway.

“It was discovered that Aredian was planting evidence and caused the witnesses to hallucinate. He’s been dealt with and you're free to leave. Gaius is here to take you back to your chambers.” He said gently and stepped aside.

Gaius stepped in and walked over to Merlin, “Lets get you home,” he said gently, he carefully pulled Merlin to his feet and helped him walk to their chambers. Gaius gently sat Merlin down on his bed, “do you need anything?” He asked.

Merlin shook his head quietly, laying down on his bed.

Gaius sighed, “I’m going to bring you some water. You should at least have something to drink.”

Merlin didn’t respond so Gaius walked out and got a cup of water, bringing it back to him, “here. This will make you feel a little better,” he said gently holding it out to him. Merlin sat up slowly wincing at the movement and took the cup and drank some of the water. “Are you in pain?”

Merlin nodded, “broken ribs. Amoung other things…” He said quietly, “Aredian, is he gone?” He asked.

“Ok I’ll bring you something to control the pain. I’m sorry I didn’t get you out sooner, and yes he is gone. He’s dead.” Gaius said gently.

Merlin nodded a little going quiet again.

Gaius looked at him sadly and left the room to prepare the tincture for Merlin’s pain. Merlin curled up on his bed again, his mind still chanting those three horrible words to the point that Merlin could barely process anything that was happening around him, he barely noticed when Gaius came back in and helped him drink the medicine without having to sit up again, he barely noticed that his pain receded enough that he could breath again, he never even noticed falling deeply asleep.

~~~

Arthur was hesitated outside the door to Gaius’ chambers, it had been a day since Merlin had been cleared of the charges and released from his cell, but he hadn’t heard anything of his condition and grew concerned. Finally he convinced himself to knock, his hand trembling, trying to prepare for the worst.

Gaius opened the door, “oh, hello your majesty. Do you need something?” He asked, walking back into the room leaving the door open for Arthur to come in.

Arthur stepped inside, “I just wanted to know how Merlin is recovering…”

Gaius sighed and looked at Arthur, “honestly Sire, I’m not sure. He has been asleep since I brought him back here yesterday. He was awake long enough to drink a bit of water and take some medicine to control the pain and fell asleep. He barely spoke at all in that time. So I don’t know how he is or when he’ll wake up. And I fear what he’ll be like when he does finally wake, we don’t know what Aredian put him through.” Gaius said sadly.

Arthur frowned and looked at Gaius, “what are you talking about? Why would he be in pain? I was told he was being interrogated for information..”

“Interrogated is one way to put it I suppose,” Gaius said disgustedly, “Aredian’s methods are- were- cruel, he tortured people until they confess to their crimes or, well, whatever crime Aredian was convinced they committed. He would allow them very little rest, no food, or water generally, he’d cause all kinds of physical pain as well, and he’d talk you in circles until you were confused and said something to incriminate yourself by accident. Or he would talk and try different subjects until he found the one that hurts you the most and uses that to finish off any remaining willpower you have left by breaking everything you believe in and turning it into something bad.”

Arthur’s face tightened with anger, “I had no idea that was how he was “interrogating” Merlin. Ugh. I knew he was making stuff up but I couldn’t prove it and I knew if I went forward saying that I thought that Aredian was wrong my father would’ve just assumed that I was under some sort of spell or something, making everything worse.”

Gaius nodded a little, “I just wish I knew what Aredian said or did that day to make Merlin confess to everything like that. Gwen had spoken to Merlin through a small vent just that morning and although he was tired, scared and sore he was holding up quite well. Then suddenly, he just gave up. I don’t know what happened to cause it… but when I saw him when he was confessing everything to your father it was like the life had been drained out of him and he had just given up.”

Arthur nodded a little, “may I go see him?”

“Of course Sire, but like I said, don’t be surprised if he’s not awake.”

Arthur nodded a little, and went up to Merlin’s room and walked in slowly. He saw Merlin laying in bed his blanket twisted around him from Merlin tossing and turning in his sleep.

Arthur walked over pulling a chair next to the bed to sit in, he watched Merlin quietly for a moment taking in the gentle rise and fall of Merlin chest, the way his dark hair fell across his face where he noticed the bruise darkening one side of Merlin's face. Arthur watched him sadly for a moment and gently moved the hair out of his face, “I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you from him, Merlin.” Arthur said softly, allowing his hand to linger for a moment on Merlin's cheek before drawing away and just sitting quietly with him.

The first thing, in what felt like an eternity, that Merlin noticed was the feeling of someone gently touching his cheek, he tried to drag himself back to consciousness but gave up when the memories started coming back to him and the chant started again, _he hates me, he hates me_ , he quit trying to wake up and allowed himself to simply float back down into oblivion.

Arthur watched as Merlin shifted fitfully in his sleep and was mumbling something. Frowning Arthur leaned in a little to hear what Merlin was saying, “Arthur…. Please…. Arthur….” Merlin was quiet for a moment but was breathing hard and he let out a small whimper every once and a while his hands fisted in his blanket, “He hates me, he hates me, he hates me. He’ll kill me, he wants me dead, gone. Arthur please,” He whimpered again.

Arthur’s eyes filled with tears hearing Merlin so scared. Arthur took Merlin’s hand gently, “I’m sorry Merlin, I won’t let any harm come to you. I’ll protect you Merlin. But I need you to wake up so I tell you all this and more, that you’ll remember what I told you.” He said softly holding Merlin's hand gently.

Gaius cracked the door open a little ways and peeked in, he saw Arthur sitting, talking to Merlin softly, holding onto Merlin’s hand desperately like it was a life line and he was being swept out to sea. Gaius sighed sadly and hoped for Arthur’s sake Merlin would wake up. He closed the door quietly and went back to his work leaving the young prince to spend time with Merlin.


	2. II

Arthur returned everyday to sit with Merlin, sometimes only for a few minutes other times he would stay for hours depending on what responsibilities he had that day, he would sit and talk to Merlin, or help Gaius administer Merlin’s medicine when he was there and just looked after Merlin as best he could.

It had been nine days since Merlin had fallen asleep and Arthur was in his usual spot next to Merlin’s bed talking to him trying to calm one of his many nightmares, but Merlin wasn’t calming down like usual, instead he seemed to be getting worse. He was panting hard as if he’d been running, his hands fisting and un-fisting in his blanket. “Shh Merlin you’re ok. You’re safe. Whatever it is that’s happening can’t harm you,” Arthur said still hoping to sooth him. 

Merlin whimpered, “Arthur, please. Arthur. Listen please. Please forgive me. I am so sorry Arthur.”

“Shh Merlin whatever it is you’re forgiven. You’re ok. You have nothing to be sorry for,” Arthur said softly, holding Merlin’s hand hoping that might calm him down like it had other times.

“I know I lied to you Arthur and I’m sorry. You know I had to lie. — I couldn’t tell you that Aredian’s accusations were true.” Merlin whimpered.

“Of course they’re false please just calm down Merlin you’re safe. Nothing’s going to happen to you.”

Merlin began muttering in another language, Arthur frowned trying to decipher what Merlin was mumbling but then the room lit up bright as day, Arthur jerked backwards, biting back a yelp. Then the room dimmed again to just being lit by the glow of the candle. Arthur immediately began reaching for his sword, his mind screaming that there was a threat but stopped with his hand on the hilt of the sword when Merlin began to whimper again tears slipping down his face now, “Arthur no please don’t send me back to the cells. Please Arthur! Don’t send me back there. I’m sorry. Please.” His voice cracked on the last word, betrayal, fear and pain filling his voice and anything else he might of tried to say dissolved into sobs. 

Arthur let go of his sword and went back to holding Merlin’s hand murmuring soft soothing words until Merlin’s sobs subsided and his breathing evened out again indicating he had fallen deeply asleep again. Arthur sat and watched Merlin quietly before standing and walking out of the room. He started walking trying to wrap his mind around the fact Merlin had magic and trying to figure out what to do. 

He walked aimlessly through the darkening castle until he stopped at Morgana’s chambers and knocked.

“Arthur? Do you need something?” Morgana asked when she opened the door. 

“I had a couple hypothetical questions I wanted to ask you.” He said, “do you think I could come in?” He asked.

She frowned and stepped out of way, “alright.”

Arthur stepped in and turned to look at her.

She closed the door looking at Arthur concerned what this could be about, “What did you want to ask?”

“Well… I know this is not something that we really ought to be discussing but I feel I need to ask for another’s opinion… do you believe what my father says about magic? That it truly corrupts everyone who uses it?” He asked.

She watched him cautiously weighing whether or not she was going to get in trouble if she answered honestly, but she could see that Arthur was genuinely upset about something so she shook her head, “no I don’t believe that. I believe that the evil has to be in the person already before they have magic. I think that magic just amplifies what is already in someone’s mind and heart. Just the same as how it isn’t wielding a sword that makes someone good or bad it is how they use that sword. Why are you asking this Arthur?”

He shook his head a little, “I just… well I am trying to figure something out and needed another person’s opinion, and didn’t know who else to ask. So you don’t believe people who use magic are evil?”

“No I don’t think so. I think that there are those who use it for evil but also those who use it to do good.”

“So if you found out that someone you know and…. care about had magic, and had lied to you about it for as long as you had known them, what would you do?”

“Well that would depend on who it was. If it was someone who I didn’t really know all that well I think I would be careful around them but still give them the benefit of the doubt and see if they’re dangerous or not. If they were dangerous I suppose I would make the hard choice of turning them in, but if it was someone I knew for a while and already trusted then I would carry on as normal. Because, obviously, if they were evil they would’ve got on with doing whatever evil thing they had planned. They wouldn't bother to hang around. I would let them know I know about their magic and tell them that I wasn’t going to tell anyone else about them. If you’ve known them for a while then they’ve likely had magic the entire time or most of the time that you’ve known them meaning nothing has truly changed about them other then you knowing about their power.” She said, trying not to sound as though she had put too much thought into it.

Arthur was quiet while he thought this over, he nodded after a few minutes, “thank you, Morgana, that helped a lot.”

“You’re welcome. Glad I could help.” She said, “What brought this on? You never seemed like you were questioning your father’s judgements on magic before….”

He shrugged a little, “things change and like I said this is merely hypothetical.” He said.

“Right, of course. Hypothetical. But still something must have prompted this sudden change in you’re thinking. Has something happened?” She asked, trying to gauge if it was her he was talking about.

“Something yes. But no, Morgana, I can’t tell you. Not right now. Although for all I know you already know but I don’t want to risk saying something if you don’t. It’s not my place to say anything. especially when I’m still wrapping my head around everything.”

“Alright that’s fair. Well good luck with… well… whatever it is you’re dealing with. I’m sure you’ll make the right decision.”

“Thank you Morgana. Goodnight,” he said and let himself out of her chambers and continued his walking but with a slightly clearer mind, but still just as conflicted and confused.


	3. III

Eleven days had now passed and Arthur stood from his chair beside Merlin’s bed. Gently he brushed the hair from Merlin’s face allowing his hand to linger just for a moment on his cheek, pain flickered across Arthur’s expression and he dropped his hand. Stepping out of the room to speak to Gaius before he left.

“Gaius? It’s been over a week since he was released… why hasn’t he woken up yet? Will he wake up?” Arthur asked, sitting on a stool, dropping his head into his hands.

“I’m sorry Sire, but I do not know. I can’t find any physical injuries that should be causing this. I think after what he went through, he was exhausted both emotionally and mentally, and just needs to rest and recover. Until then we just have to make him comfortable and not give up on him,” Gaius said gently resting a comforting hand on Arthur’s shoulder.

Arthur nodded a little, “I… I know. I just… I need him to wake up. I don’t want to lose him. I thought before that I was going to when he was sentenced to death but then like a miracle he was released and I thought that we were in the clear that I was going to have him back. But now… now like some cruel, sick joke I still might lose him, and I don’t know what I would do if I really did lose him.”

Gaius looked at him for a minute, “Even when he was accused of sorcery? You still didn’t want to lose him?” He asked gently.

Arthur shook his head, “even then. Even with the evidence and his confession I just wanted him back, I just wanted him safe. Me even saying this is basically treason but I don’t care. It’s Merlin, it’s not like he’s evil, he doesn’t have it in him to be evil. Even if he has magic.”

“Well that evidence was faked that’s why Merlin is no longer accused of sorcery.” Gaius said trying to word it that he wasn’t lying by saying Merlin didn’t have magic but also trying to avoid revealing the truth.

Arthur looked at Gaius for a minute and looked to make sure the door was shut, “no he may not be accused of it any longer but… well he talks in his sleep Gaius. He accidentally told me about his magic. Why wouldn’t he have told me before?”

“He didn't want to put you in a position that you had to choose between him, and your father and the laws you swore to uphold. He knew you would be conflicted and didn’t want to put you through that. I think it would be best that if you have questions about this to wait and ask Merlin.” 

“Right… Of course. Thank you for being honest with me, Gaius. I’ll be back tomorrow as usual.” Arthur said quietly, with more questions than answers still, he stood and walked out the door. Gaius watched him leave concerned both for the prince’s well-being but also for Merlin’s safety should Arthur change his mind on Merlin’s magic.

~~~

Merlin slowly became aware of his surroundings, he could feel his blanket pulled over him and his bed under him, slowly he became aware that he could hear people talking outside of his room and then someone leaving, he opened his eyes slowly wincing at the light from the candle that was still lit beside his bed. He took in the familiar look of his room, only his chair had been moved to be right next to his bed, Gaius probably moved it to sit with him he figured.

He just laid there looking at the chair absently wishing he could fall back asleep, he didn’t want to be awake because being awake meant he would actually have to deal with things and he didn’t think he could.

He didn’t look up when his door opened and Gaius walked in, “Merlin? You’re awake.” He said sounding relieved, “you had us worried.” He sat in the chair next to the bed, he checked Merlin's temperature to make sure he didn’t have a fever or anything, “How are you feeling?”

Merlin shrugged, “Like I want to go back to sleep.” He said quietly not really looking at anything.

“Merlin what happened? Gwen said that you seemed, all things considered, to be doing pretty well, then a couple hours later you had just given up and admitted to everything and seemed quite willing to go to your death. What did Aredian do?” He asked gently.

Merlin shrugged again, “he was telling me things, most of them I knew weren’t true, things mostly about you, saying that you would realize that you didn’t actually want to protect me and all that because, according to him, I had you under some sort of spell but I knew that wasn’t true. I was doing ok ignoring what he was saying but… but he started telling me things that sounded like they were probably true. He told me that Arthur had gotten a new servant and of course I knew that but then he told me that Arthur was glad I was gone and that he finally had a good servant. He told me that Arthur was disgusted by me, disgusted that he had a servant who used magic. He said that he’s sure Arthur wouldn’t even want to look at me because of it. He knew what Aredian was doing to me while I was down there, he told Aredian that he was glad it was happening to me because I deserved to be punished for lying to him. That I deserved it because I'm a monster. He said I deserved to suffer before I died. Then Aredian said that I had failed whatever purpose I was serving by being Arthur’s servant. Of course Aredian thought that whatever I was trying to do was evil but in someways he was right. Arthur hates me now so there’s no way he’ll want me back or even in his sight so I have failed my purpose. How can I protect someone who wants nothing to do with me? I wanted proof of what Aredian was saying about Arthur hating even the sight of me, so I said I would confess to the king meaning I was would be brought before them and I knew Arthur would be there which would be my chance to tell if he hated me or not. So when I was there Arthur never once looked at me, not in surprise or pity, nothing, so I knew Aredian was telling me the truth so I admitted to everything because I didn’t and don’t see the point in my living if I can’t do what I was put on this Earth to do.” Merlin said quietly, looking tired.

“Merlin, you haven’t failed anything. I promise you that,” Gaius said gently, “now I think you should try to eat something. You’ve been too long without eating anything and the broth I’ve been giving you isn’t enough forever.”

“How long… how long have I been asleep for?” Merlin asked frowning.

“Over a week… you know, you’ve had lots of visitors in and out wanting to check on you. You’ve had everyone really worried.” 

“OVER a week..? I’ve been out for more than a week?” He said rubbing his face and sat up slowly, “you would think I’d feel more rested.” He said with a weak smile.

Gaius smiled sadly, “I’ll bring you some food.”

~~~

Merlin was sitting at the table with a blanket pulled around his shoulders the next morning, picking half-heartedly at the food Gaius had left for him when he left to gather some herbs he was running low on. He groaned and rubbed his face, “What am I supposed to do with myself now?” He asked the empty room, he stared at his plate like it would give him answers.

The door swung open and Arthur walked in but didn’t see Merlin immediately, “Morning Gaius. I thought I’d come by early today since I have things going on this evening,” he said then looked at the table and stopped in his tracks, “Merlin? You’re… you’re awake,” he said staring at him like he’d seen a ghost.

Merlin looked at him anxiously, “Gaius isn’t here. He should be back in a few minutes… you can wait for him if you wanted, Sire.” He said standing up slowly not waiting to lose his balance, “I’m… I’m going to go up to my room, excuse me.” He said dropping his gaze to the floor and started across the room to the steps.

“Merlin wait, I was coming to see you not Gaius,” Arthur said following him.

Merlin stopped and looked at him, “me? Why would you be coming to see me? It’s not like you care what happens to me.” He said quietly, “why would you? I’m just a servant, and a terrible one at that, Sire, so you have no reason to be here.” He said and hurried up his stairs and shut the door tightly behind himself.

“What? Merlin wait, come back.” Arthur said desperately from the other side of the door, but Merlin ignored him and curled up on his bed hiding his face in his pillow.

Arthur sighed and sat on the stairs deciding to see if Gaius knew why Merlin wouldn’t let Arthur near him.

Gaius walked in a few minutes later and saw Arthur sitting there and frowned, “Oh I didn’t expect to see you until later, Sire.” He said setting his satchel of herbs down.

“I know. I came by early because my father expects me to be at the feast tonight. I figured I had time before training that I could come see Merlin.” He said walking over to Gaius, “I walked in and he was sitting at the table very much awake but he might as well have run to his room the second he saw me. What’s going on Gaius? Why is Merlin afraid of me?”

Gaius sighed, “you should sit down Sire, and I’ll explain as best I can,” Gaius said and sat at the table, Arthur joined him a moment later.

“Ok what’s happening?”

“Last night when he woke up I asked him what Aredian had done to him, and why he decided that he was going to confess. Aredian told him that you knew what he was doing Merlin, and that you were glad to be rid of him. That you were disgusted that your servant had magic. He told Merlin that you were glad he was being punished for practicing magic and that you called him a monster, that deserved everything that was happening to him. He told Merlin that he was a failure and that you couldn’t even stand the sight of him anymore. So… Merlin said he would confess everything to your father so he would have the chance to figure out if it was, in fact, true that you hated the very sight of him. When he was brought before you and your father, he was hoping that perhaps you show some kind of sign that you didn’t support what was happening but you never once so much as looked in his direction, which he took to mean that what Aredian told him was true. That you hated him.”

Arthur shook his head a little, “I don’t hate him. I couldn’t bring myself to watch him be sentenced to death. I just couldn’t.”

“I figured that was why but its not me you need to convince. Give me a minute, I'll try and talk him into seeing you and giving you a chance to talk.”

Arthur nodded a little, “Thank you, Gaius.”

Gaius walked up to Merlin’s room and knocked on the door before walking in and closing the door behind himself. He saw Merlin curled up on his bed and sighed, “Merlin I think you should talk to Arthur,” he said gently.

Merlin shook his head, “No Gaius I shouldn’t. Even if he doesn’t hate me right now, he did and will again if he ever found out the accusations weren’t completely false. He would hate me again if he found out that I really do have magic. It’ll be easier if I just don’t see him again….”

“No Merlin I don’t think it will be. Talk to him now and see if your conversation helps. If you still don’t think things are better then I’ll mind my own business and you can avoid him or do whatever it is you think best but just talk to him once more I think you’ll be surprised.” Gaius said gently.

Merlin groaned, “You’re not going to let this go are you?”

“No, not likely.”

“Alright fine I’ll talk to him this one time but if I still think that it would better if I don’t have anything to do with him after we talk you need to leave it alone. Fair?”

“If it gets you to talk to him fine that’s fair.” Gaius said and walked out of Merlin’s room, “go ahead, Sire, don’t expect too much from him right now. He really does think you hate him. I should warn you this may be your only chance to get him to trust you again….” Gaius said sighing, “he a stubborn one.” He shook his head and started making his daily potions and such for everyone.

“No pressure then,” Arthur muttered sarcastically and went up to Merlin’s room, he knocked lightly before stepping in.

“You know entering without waiting for a reply rather defeats the purpose of the knock,” Merlin muttered still curled up on his bed.

“Ah well, it doesn’t when all the knock was doing was warning you I was there. Besides I didn’t want to give you a chance to change your mind about talking to me.” Arthur said smiling a bit glad to see a little of Merlin’s sass was still there.

Merlin sat up wincing since his ribs still hurt, he swung his legs over the side of his bed and looked at Arthur, “ok what do you want to say?” He asked.

“Well for a start I don’t hate you Merlin. No matter what I won’t hate you.” He said.

Merlin just shook his head a little and looked down, “No you don’t get it Arthur. I figured you don’t really hate me right now but as soon as I was accused of something you couldn’t even stand the sight of me. And it’s not like you really cared that I was released.” Merlin said numbly, “And I know that it’s not fair for me to expect you to care, I’m not anyone important, not really, I’m just a nobody servant. And as you point out, a terrible servant at that. So it really shouldn’t matter that you don’t care but I just didn’t realize until I was arrested just how little you actually cared. I’m sure you have a new servant now who does their job just how you like it, so you certainly don’t need me back….” He trailed off and just shook his head a little, “Aredian told me a lot of things Arthur, but what he told me about you were things that I was already worried were true and it just took all of this to see that they actually are.”

Arthur shook his head slowly he could feel his heart breaking in his chest hearing Merlin say this and actually believing it to be true, “You aren’t listening to me Merlin, I never did hate you. What Aredian told you was a bunch of lies. Gaius filled me in on what he told you, and why you confessed. I don’t think you’re a monster Merlin, not even with magic involved. You don’t have it in you to be evil no matter what anyone says. I had no idea what was being done to you by him. Gaius told me the day after you were released what had actually happened to you. I was just told you were being questioned. I never thought my father would condone the torture of a prisoner no matter their crimes. If I truly hated you for anything would I have come to see you every single day for more than a week, helped Gaius take care of you? If you don’t believe I did ask Gaius but it’s true. I was here every single day and spent as much time as I had to spare here with you because I wanted to make sure you were ok. So don’t think for one second I don’t care what happens to you because I do. I do.” Arthur said panting a little from how fast he said it.

Merlin looked up at him, “but I was accused of magic? And… and you wouldn’t look at me, you never made sure that they actually had released me from the cells or anything…”

“I wouldn’t look at you when you came to confess because I couldn’t stand to see you being forced to kneel and I couldn’t look at you knowing you were about to be sentenced to death because I knew that if I did I would try and do something incredibly stupid and make things worse for you by making my father think you had put some kind of spell on me or whatever. As if you would need to do that,” he rolled his eyes a little, “and like I already said about the magic I’ve been taught my whole life that magic is evil and that it corrupts but that couldn’t possibly be true about you, magic or no magic, you’re just you. You’re everything that is good in this world Merlin. Even when you were accused and confessing to magic I just wanted you to be somewhere other then there, somewhere you were safe, I would never wish on anyone what was done to you. And sure I give you hard time but I never realized you were taking what I said to heart. I thought you knew I was just messing around with you Merlin. I like having you as my servant. If I'm being honest this new guy is terrible. It’s like having a wall serving me. You try and talk to him and there’s no response it’s terrible.” He said hoping to get at least a small smile out of Merlin, and was rewarded with the corners of Merlin’s mouth tugging upwards, not Merlin’s typical full out grin but it was better then nothing. 

“So… so you truly don’t hate me?” Merlin asked quietly.

“Truly I don’t. No matter what. Well expect maybe murder but even then if you had a really good reason for it, I might make an exception,” Arthur said with a small smile.

Merlin gave him a smile in response then it faded again, “I’m sorry I'm still having a hard time that you didn’t hate me even thinking I had magic.” He said sighing, “Sorry Sire I know that’s not where I should be focusing….” he said realizing that he might be making too obvious that he’s concerned about Arthur hating him for connections to magic.

“Of course that’s where you’re focusing, Merlin, it only makes sense.” He said without thinking then bit his lip since that was not how planned on starting the discussion on him knowing about Merlin’s magic.

Merlin frowned at him, “I’m sorry, Sire, I… I don’t think I understand your meaning?”

“Er… well this was not how I planned to start this conversation nor was I planning on having it right now but what can I do? Like I told you I was here every single day watching over you. I would sometimes spend hours here with you. And well I don’t know if anyone has ever told you before but you talk in your sleep. For the most part I assume you were dreaming of being back home with your mother, or just going about day to day life here in Camelot.  
But other times you would have nightmares, some of them were of what Aredian did to you and I would do what I could to calm you even if you weren’t really aware of it and most of the time it worked. So I made a habit of just talking to you while I was here. I would keep you up to date on any gossip I would hear or tell you about training each day. I’m sure I complained about my new servant once or twice. Or if I didn’t have any news from the day I would just talk to you about you… but three days ago me talking to you didn’t help. It actually made it worse… you started dreaming of me, I gathered it wasn’t a pleasant dream since you were begging me to forgive you for something and I kept talking to you trying to get to calm down but it wasn’t working. Which was when you said, that you were sorry for lying to me and that the accusations Aredian had made weren’t completely false, that you did in fact have magic.”  
Arthur stopped for a second before continuing, “Of course at first I brushed it off as just a nightmare talking but then you started talking again in another language and made it get really bright in here then it dimmed again. I was, admittedly, a little scared. It was an immediate response to being faced with the one thing I was taught to fear in this world. But then you started speaking English again and I guess the me in your nightmare must have been angry with you because you cried out in fear begging me not to send you back to the cells. You sounded so scared and betrayed that I realized that there was no way you were anything like I was taught a sorcerer would be. And I knew that I never wanted to hear that fear and pain in your voice again. It took a little getting used to but I think… I think I’m pretty well ok with it. I mean it’s not like I’m going to turn you in or anything. That’s the last thing I’d want to do. It’ll just take some getting used to….”

Merlin watched him silently for a moment, “So… so you’re not afraid of me?” He asked quietly.

“No I’m not. Not truly anyway. It’s still new to me so I’m still trying to process that you've been hiding this from me for nearly two years, but you’ve also been working for me for nearly two years which means that if you were in fact planning something bad for me, you would’ve done it by now and gotten out of here….” Arthur sighed, “it’s just rather confusing is all. How long… how long have you been practicing magic?”

Merlin hesitated, “are you sure you want to know more? I mean it’s already bed enough for you that you know I have magic, let alone if you know more about it… I’ll tell you if you really want to know but I don’t… I don’t want to burden you with this information if you’re not completely sure you want it.” 

Arthur looked at him quietly then nodded, “I want to know. I’m already committing treason so knowing more won’t make it any worse,” he said rubbing his face wondering what exactly he got himself into.

Biting his lip nervously, Merlin took a deep breath and looked at Arthur again, “alright then… I’ve always had magic. I was born with it. I could use magic my entire life, it just happens sometimes, where other people need to say an incantation to do simple things like moving things around or something, I can just think about it and it happens. That’s mostly why my mother sent me to live here, because she hoped that Gaius would be able to help me understand my… my powers and know how to hide them properly.”

Arthur nodded slowly, “have you used magic around me before?”

This got a small snort of amusement from Merlin, “yeah I have more times then I could possibly count. You really believed all those times that I was really just hiding from the fighting?”

“So you’ve used magic in fights?”

“Yes and saved you more times then you would care to know. Using magic pretty well every time. Even that first time I saved you I used magic.”

“Right in front of everyone?”

“Well it was either that or let you get stabbed, so I thought perhaps it might be a good idea to stop that from happening.”

Arthur nodded a little and looked down thinking about this, Merlin stayed quiet giving him space to work through all this information. “You have all this power Merlin and yet you stay as a servant, you never once tried to be more then just you. You never sought more power and you let me push around and make fun of you. And you just put up with it?”

“Well yeah… I mean really I didn’t have any other choice and like I told you, I’m happy to be your servant until the day I die. I want to serve you and really the only way I could be around to protect you was if I was your servant.”

Arthur frowned a little, “I have two more questions at this moment. The first time you told me that you’d be happy to be my servant until the day you died, you also told me that I shouldn’t get a bootlicker of a servant… what was going on that day? It… it sounded like you thought you were going to die?”

“That’s because I thought I was. You were bitten by the questing beast. You were going to die. There isn’t actually a cure for it.” Merlin said slowly.

“What? There must be… Gaius gave me something and well I’m not dead.”

“I know… yes Gaius gave you something but it wasn’t something he made… I got it. I made a deal, a life for a life so that the balance of the world stayed. I bargained that you got to live and they would take me instead.” Merlin said looking at Arthur, “So we gave you water from the cup of life which healed you and brought you back for the brink of death and in exchange for you living I was supposed to die. Which is why I told you what I told you. Because I thought I was would be dead by the next morning. Things didn’t exactly go how they were supposed to however since my mother got sick and was going to die instead of me. Gaius was going to go bargain his life for my mother’s, but I went to stop him. I… I had to kill Nimueh, she’s who I made the bargain with. I killed her and that ended up balancing the natural order. But to answer your question I said that because I was going to die in your place.” Merlin said quietly looking at the floor scared of Arthur’s reaction to Merlin having killed someone.

Arthur was silent for long enough Merlin was getting anxious that this was going sideways, “you were willing to give up your life for mine… well this definitely adds weight to my next question, why? Why risk so much, why be willing to give up your life for mine? Someone who until just now you were convinced would kill you if I ever found out how you were protecting me?”

“At the start I was protecting you simply because I've been told it was my destiny to help you and make sure you survive to become King. That was when I thought you were nothing more than a royal prat.”

“And now?” Arthur asked with a smile, glad to be seeing his Merlin shining through the quiet, slightly broken, boy sitting in front of him.

“Now? Now I know you’re a prat but I also know that you’re kind and fair. And I protect you because I want to, not because some dusty, old prophecy told me to, I protect you and am willing to give my life for you because I care about you and can see that you will bring around a better and safer future for everyone. I can see the makings of a great king in you and I would be willing to give my life if it meant bringing that future could be realized. It’s a future I’d be happy to die for. You are someone I’d be happy to die for because to me you’re worth it.”

Arthur was looking at him like he didn’t know who he was, “you never stop surprising me Merlin.”

“Good, wouldn’t want you to get bored now would we?”  
Arthur chuckled, “No I suppose we wouldn’t. Do… do you think you could show me some magic? Noting super big or anything. I just am curious….”

Merlin’s face lit up and he nodded. He held his hand out in front of him palm up, he said some words in a language Arthur didn’t know, his eyes flashed golden and a small blue butterfly appeared in his outstretched hand. It fluttered it’s wings and landed on Arthur’s arm, he lifted his arm to get a better look at it and smiled, “it’s quite beautiful.” He said and looked at Merlin. Merlin smiled at him and let the magic fade and the butterfly disappeared. 

“I’m sorry you have to hide your gifts Merlin. But you don’t have to hide from me anymore. I would at some point like to hear more about this prophecy you mentioned, but unfortunately I need to go, I’m meant to be training with the knights right now,” Arthur stood and walked to the door and paused, “Your secret is safe with me Merlin I promise you that, and if you wish to come back to working for me the job is yours… I hope you’ll come back but I’ll understand if you’d rather not.”

“I would be glad to come back,” Merlin said smiling.

“Good. You can start once your ribs have healed I don’t want you hurting yourself even more.”

He nodded, “thank you Sire.”

Arthur smiled at him one last time like he wanted to say something more but decided against it and walked out closing the door behind himself.

Gaius looked up from his work, “everything go well, Sire?”

Arthur nodded, “yes we talked and as far as I can tell he trusts me again. And he agreed to come back to working for me once his ribs have healed.”

“That's wonderful Arthur, did you tell him you know his secret?”

“Yes, I did. He was cautious at first of course but just seems happy that someone else knows.”

“I’m sure he is. He hated keeping it from you, so I’m sure he’s glad it’s you of all people who knows.”

Arthur smiled a little and excused himself to go to training. He walked out to the training field but was only half focused on the excises he was getting the knights to work through. 

Leon walked over to Arthur, “Sire has something happened? You seem… distracted.” He questioned.

“What? Oh no. Nothing has happened. I’m fine. Thank you for your concern.” Arthur said looking at the knight. Not able to say that he was too busy thinking about the dark haired sorcerer up at the castle to focus on training, or what thoughts about the boy were filling his mind. He mentally shook himself and redoubled his effort to keep his mind on his job.


	4. IV

Gwen walked into Gaius’ chambers, “Ah Gwen, how are you today?” Gaius asked looking up.

“I’m well, how’s Merlin doing?” She asked, “I was walking past the training field and Arthur seemed distracted and different, and he had said he’d be coming to see Merlin before training, so I was concerned something had happened?”

“Merlin’s awake. Him and Arthur had a long talk about some important matters that’s probably what has him distracted.”

“He’s awake? Oh that’s wonderful, is he well enough for another visitor?”

“I would think so, he’s in his room, I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you.”

She smiled and went up to Merlin’s door, she knocked, “Merlin? It’s Gwen, may I come in?” She asked.

“Uh, sure.” Merlin’s voice said from the other side of the door.

Gwen pushed the door open and saw Merlin sitting on his bed, she smiled softly, “Oh I’m so glad you’re alright.” She said hurrying over to hug him, he winced but hugged her back gently. “I’m glad to see you too, Gwen.” He said, gently pulling away from the hug.

“Oh. I’m so sorry, did I hurt you?” She asked, fidgeting with her hands feeling bad.

“My ribs still aren’t healed completely, but you didn’t know it’s ok. And it didn’t hurt that badly.” He reassured her.

“Is there anything I can get you?”

“There’s an ointment Gaius had made up to help with the pain. Could you pass it to me please?” He asked pointing to it.

“Of course.” She grabbed it for him and brought it over. He took it gratefully and opened it, “Do you need help with it?” She asked.

He shook his head, “no it’s alright thank you Gwen. I’m glad you came to see me, I was wondering how you were doing.” He said, while he applied the ointment to his side under his shirt so she didn’t see how bad the bruising still was.

“You wanted to check on me?” She asked with a small laugh.

“Well yes, I know that you were upset the day I confessed and I didn’t want you to think I did it because you and Gaius weren’t fast enough, I had my reasons. So I just wanted to make sure you were ok and that you weren’t blaming yourself for anything that had nothing to with you.” He said gently.

“Oh, I see, I was definitely upset but I didn’t really blame myself, I figured that you must have your reasons for saying those things. I was upset that I couldn’t help you out of the situation, I hated seeing you look so broken. I was upset thinking that I was going to lose one of my closest friends the same way I lost my father.” She said sadly.

Merlin nodded, “I’m sorry I put you through that but I needed answer to certain questions and I thought that was the way to get them. Unfortunately I ended up with the wrong answer but it’s all been sorted out now.” He said.

“Well I’m glad that whatever it was is fixed and I’m glad to have you back. You are better, aren’t you? I mean other then your ribs? You aren’t going to be unconscious for another week or something again are you?” She asked smiling a little.

“I wasn't planning on it but I’ll let you know if my plans change. But yes I think I’m better. Once my ribs are a little more healed I’ll be going back to work for Arthur and everything will be back to normal.”

She nodded, “Good, I’m glad, I was a little concerned that you wouldn’t be staying here after everything that happened.”

“Honestly? I thought of leaving but I don’t know where I would go or what I would do with myself somewhere else. So, no I’ll be staying.”

“Well, I’m happy you’ll be staying. I have a feeling things would be pretty boring around here without you.” She said smiling.

“It would be something alright.” He said smiling, “and thank you, Guinevere.” He said.

She frowned a little, “For what?”

“For caring so much. For being my friend, and just being you. I’m glad to know you.”

Her cheeks warmed, she looked down smiling a little, “Oh… well you’re welcome? I suppose? It’s not like I know how to be anyone else but me.”

“I know and that’s why I want to thank you, because you’re just you. You’re real and you don’t try and act as anything you aren’t, it’s nice to know I have someone like you as a friend.” He said.

She smiled, “I’m glad to have a friend like you as well.” She said.

“Gwen? Is it true that Arthur was here to see me every day?” He asked after a moments hesitation.

“Yes, he was here every day. And very worried the whole time. I had never seen him like that before. He was helping Gaius take care of you and made sure you were getting what you needed. He would sit with you for hours if his schedule allowed for it. It was really sweet actually but also a little concerning. I was worried what it would do to him if you hadn’t woken up. I think it may have destroyed him if you hadn’t. But that doesn’t matter now. You’re awake and healing.”

Merlin nodded a little but was frowning, “He really cared that much? I just don’t understand why. I mean… I’m just a servant, he’s the prince. He shouldn’t be caring that much what happens to me… it’ll get him into trouble.”

“Honestly Merlin. He’s gotten himself into trouble for you before. You’re his best friend. And that’s also just the kind of person he is. You know that.”

“I know. I just worry. I don’t like the idea of someone getting into trouble because of me.”

“We’re your friends, Merlin, you get into trouble for us all the time, once and a while it’s nice that we can repay you for everything you do for us.”

Merlin looked down, “well… thank you.” He said quietly.

She smiled at him, “I should get back to work. I’ll come see you again later. I’m glad you’re better.” She said, she pulled the door open and left.

~~~

Merlin walked into Arthur’s cambers a week later and threw open the curtains on the window, “Rise and shine, Sire,” he said.

Arthur grumbled pulling a pillow over his head, “What for, Merlin?” He asked groggily, then his eyes snapped open and he sat up, “Merlin?”

“Yes, good morning, Sire.”

Arthur smiled, “well I’m glad to see your ribs are better.”

“That they are, your breakfast is on the table,” Merlin said going about cleaning the room.

Arthur nodded and went to the table and sat. He began eating and watched Merlin as he worked, he noticed that Merlin was uncharacteristically quiet while he completed his chores."Is everything okay?" Arthur asked in concern.

“Hm? Oh, yes everything is fine, Sire. Why do you ask?” Merlin asked looking over at Arthur.

“You’re quiet, you’re never quiet unless something is bothering you. You don’t have to keep anything from me Merlin. Whatever it is you can talk to me about it.”

“It’s nothing, Sire,” Merlin said returning his attention to his work.

Arthur ate a little more still watching Merlin work, “There are quicker and easier ways for you to do that aren’t there?” He asked as Merlin began polishing his boots.

Merlin looked at him and raised his eyebrow a little, without him saying anything his eyes flashed golden and Arthur’s boots were polished, all his clothes hung themselves up and his bed made itself, “is that what you meant, Sire?” Merlin asked.

Arthur stared at him in shock but nodded, “yes pretty much. Although I didn’t realize how you could do at once. So what? You really were lazy all this time?” He asked.

“No all this time I’ve had to do it by hand which I’m sure even you could understand, takes far longer. You might’ve been suspicious if I was able to do things far faster than anyone else could.”

“Fair point. So you’re not an idiot then… obviously not if you’ve kept this hidden from everyone for so long.”

“Oh no. I am. It’s part of my charm.” He said throwing a grin over his shoulder.

Arthur looked at him the small sense of betrayal still nagged at the back of his mind but he pushed it down and chuckled.

Trying to ignore the lump of dread that settled in his stomach warning that things might go very wrong, very quickly, Merlin finished some of the other chores that he hadn’t done with magic, finding it increasingly difficult to focus when he could feeling Arthur watching his every move. He doesn’t trust me anymore… He thinks I’m dangerous, Merlin thought sadly having seen the hint of betrayal in Arthur’s eyes.

“I’m leading a hunt that’s leaving this morning so I’ll need my hunting clothes and my horse prepared,” Arthur said after a moment of rather awkward silence.

Merlin nodded and got out the proper clothes and set them out for Arthur.

Arthur kept his eyes on Merlin the whole time, feeling like perhaps this isn’t real and he would wake up any moment now and have George opening the curtains and laying out his breakfast and Merlin would be gone. He stood once he finished eating and crossed to the screen to get dressed. Several minutes later Arthur was walking out of his room, Merlin trailing after him, “I’ll gather my things and prepare the horses, Sire.” Merlin said part way down the corridor.

Arthur paused and looked at Merlin, “If you do not wish to come, Merlin, you don’t have to.” He said, knowing Merlin had never like hunting.

“I want to come… Unless of course that was your way of saying you would be more comfortable if I didn’t accompany you….” Merlin said, still worrying that Arthur didn’t trust him anymore.

“No, if you would want to come you can,” Arthur said, I would really prefer if you did come he added silently but caught himself before he said it out loud, because even though he didn’t want to be apart from Merlin so soon after he just got him back, he didn’t want to put pressure on Merlin to do something didn’t want to do.

“Alright I’m coming with you then. We could stand here for hours going back and forth in this way and that won’t get us any closer to where we need to be.” Merlin turned and headed off to get his things and the horses. Arthur watched him walk away frowning a little, concerned that Merlin still didn’t have his usual bite to his words but went to gather the things he needed to take on the hunt with him.

~~~

Arthur rode next to Merlin as they left the city, “I want you to ride near the back today,” he said quietly to Merlin, knowing that would be the safest place for Merlin if he needed to use his powers as he would be out of sight of the others.

Merlin frowned a little but nodded, “as you wish, Sire.” He said quietly, steering his horse in a circle to the back of the group before Arthur had the chance to explain his reasoning. Arthur sighed sadly realizing Merlin misunderstood why he asked he to ride behind the group but couldn’t go after him in front of everyone, so he decided to leave it and talk to Merlin that night.

They rode along, the party quiet as to not scare away potential prey, Arthur glancing to the back occasionally to check on Merlin under the guise of checking their surroundings. He regretted looking every time as Merlin looked so sad and alone, riding by himself not even watching the surrounding forest just watching the path slightly ahead of his horse. 

An hour into their ride Leon slow his horse and dropped back to ride along side Merlin, “hey Merlin, I’m glad to see you’re back to work. You’re feeling better then?” He asked.

Merlin blinked looking over at Leon, “hmm? Oh yes I suppose I am. Thank you,” he said giving Leon a small smile.

“That’s good. I’m glad to hear it. I was worried about you. I came to visit you a few times while we were waiting for you to wake up. I meant to come to see you after I heard you were awake but I’m sure you heard how busy things have been for the past week.”

“Oh, well, um thank you. And yes I heard.”

“Although I don’t think any of us were as worried about you as Arthur was. He hasn’t been himself lately, he’s been distracted and just generally different from normal. Even if it doesn’t necessarily seem like it he did miss you and is glad to have you around again.” Leon said smiling kindly.

Merlin smiled back, “that’s kind of you to say,” he said quietly, not believing that was totally true but was thankful for Leon attempting to cheer him up.

Reading the look on Merlin’s face Leon changed the subject and started chatting quietly about random things to keep Merlin’s attention and stopping him from disappearing into his mind. Merlin listened to Leon grateful for the distraction and companionship he was offering without Merlin needing to ask, eventually he found himself laughing softly and actually engaging in the conversation rather then just letting Leon talk.

Arthur glanced back again to check on Merlin, then a white hot flash of jealousy seared through him when he saw Leon chatting easily with Merlin and getting him to laugh and smile freely, then mentally smacked himself realizing it was a good thing someone was making sure Merlin was ok and was able to get him to laugh and talk. Even if it wasn’t him, he was glad Merlin was happy but the jealousy was still lurking just below the surface that he couldn’t just do what he wanted.

“Alright we’re going to make camp for the night, and start out again tomorrow and hopefully have better luck,” Arthur declared several hours later as the sun was beginning the set, casting long, dark shadows making it difficult to watch for dangers on the pathway and nearly impossible to see any potential prey.

They found a decent area to make their camp and everyone went about setting up, Merlin was finishing up taking care of the horses. “Merlin go gather some firewood would you?” Arthur called from where they had prepared an area for the fire to go.

“Yes, Sire.” Merlin said managing to put just the right infliction on “Sire” that it lost all it’s intended respect, and walked off to gather the wood.

Arthur frowned not knowing if it was a good or bad sign that Merlin was being snarky with him again, since it didn’t seem to have the same playful undertone that was part of the reason Arthur had let Merlin get away with the disrespect for so long.

Merlin collected the driest wood he could find while starting to regret his decision to come along. He felt heavy, his ribs, which weren’t as healed as he had claimed they were, ached, and he was exhausted from not sleeping. He set his pile of firewood down and sat on a log, a weary sighing escaping his lips. His shoulders slouched forward and he stared that the ground at his feet slipping away into his mind again playing over everything that had happened that day with Arthur trying to see a way that it didn’t seem as bad as he thought it was but only succeeded in making himself more upset. 

Arthur got concerned as to where Merlin was and headed in the same direction he had seen Merlin go earlier, he finally found him sit on a log staring at the ground. Arthur hesitated not knowing how to deal with this so he stepped on a branch so it snapped alerting Merlin to his presence as if he had just waked over and hadn’t necessarily seen him yet.

Merlin’s head snapped up and he looked over his shoulder and saw Arthur approaching and tensed, “Slacking off again I see,” Arthur said as he walked over, trying for light teasing but realized immediately that wasn’t how it sounded.

Merlin stood, “just taking a break, Sire, my apologies,” he said not sounding like he really meant it and picked up the pile again and brushed by Arthur. He went back to camp and got the fire going and went about making dinner for everyone refusing to acknowledge Arthur’s presence the entire evening. He headed down to the stream later that night to wash up a little and fill his water skin, his fear and pain still roiling just below the surface masked as anger. 

Seeing an opportunity to speak to Merlin alone Arthur went after him without first thinking through what he would say, deciding to just wing it not having learned his lesson earlier. Merlin was sitting next to the stream watching the movement of the water with the same look on his face that he’d had before when collecting firewood. 

“So are you going tell me what’s going on? Or are you just going keep this new attitude? ‘Cause I’ll put up with a lot crap but complete and blatant disrespect isn’t one of them” Arthur said a little sharper than how he meant it.

Merlin looked over at him several emotions warring for dominance on his face, anger began to win but then he just deflated and turned his attention back to the water, “I have nothing say to you right now Arthur,” he said quietly.

Arthur, taking this act of defiance personally instead of realizing there was likely a misunderstanding somewhere, narrowed his eyes, “well you had better find something to say for this bullshit behaviour because I won’t stand for it,” he snapped stalking closer to him.

“No of course you won’t stand for someone calling you on your crap, you pompous ass,” Merlin snipped back glaring up at Arthur.

“How dare you,” he growled, his earlier jealousy, all the mistrust and betrayal he felt from finding out Merlin’s secret, and frustration of not being able to just talk to Merlin and tell him everything all bubbled up and spilled over, into one biting retort, “Looks like I was wrong about you, magic really does corrupt everyone, changing them into the worst version of themselves and eventually a monster, doesn’t seem much longer for you on that front,” he snapped, well aware it was a low blow, one that he didn’t truly mean but he got a sickening sense of enjoyment from saying it and watching the effect it had on Merlin.

He watched as something shattered in Merlin’s eyes, then watched walls slam down as Merlin withdrew from Arthur, he sat up straighter, his eyes iced over not even a small amount of vulnerability remained, he may as well have been a stranger sitting in front of Arthur, who regret hit like a punch to the stomach.

“Oh. Is that what you think?” Merlin asked his tone lethal, “well glad to actually know what you think of me. You can take this as my official resignation. I’m done. Good luck to you Arthur Pendragon. I’ll be leaving at first light.” He snarled and stalked back to the camp not once looking back at the prince, who sank to his knees watching Merlin walk out of his life and knowing it was completely his own fault.

Arthur stayed by the stream for quite a while not ready to face Merlin again, not in front of everyone, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep himself composed when all he wanted to do was beg, yes beg, Merlin to stay, to forgive him for being an idiot and to give him one more chance. He knew he had stayed away too long and someone was bound to come find him soon so he forced himself to his feet and made his way back to the camp.  
For all the different ways he expected Merlin may be acting when he got back, he didn’t anticipate him to be chatting calmly with one of the knights while petting the horses, not an ounce of his earlier anger and iciness to be seen. Arthur, although unnerved by this, made himself continue on as of nothing was wrong.

Later that night Arthur woke up and rolled over stretching a little and looked towards the fire to make sure it didn’t need more wood and saw Merlin’s familiar figure sitting next to it. Arthur watch him silently. Merlin oblivious to the fact he was being observed by Arthur or simply not caring murmured something and the sparks from the fire created the shape of a dragon that lingered only for a moment, between one blink of the eye and the next it was gone again. Arthur saw the sad smile play across Merlin’s face. After another few moments Merlin stood and crept across the camp to where Leon slept and gently woke him for his watch.

Leon woke up and looked at Merlin vaguely confused since it wasn’t supposed to be his watch yet, “is there something wrong Merlin?” He asked quietly.

“I’m sorry to have woken you early, but I need you to take the last bit of my watch. I’m… I’m leaving as soon as it starts to get light and wanted to give you a chance to wake up before I did,” Merlin replied equally as quiet to avoid waking anyone else.

Leon frowned, “where are you going?”

“I’m not sure yet. I think possibly to see my mother but who knows.”

“Does Arthur know you’re leaving?”

“Yes he is aware. Leon, could you do me another favour and apologize to Gaius for me? As I don’t know when or if I’ll be returning to Camelot. I’ll send a letter to him later explaining things but I would like him to know that I’m sorry for just not returning with you and not saying a proper goodbye.”

“I… well yes I can I do that for you. But are you sure it’s what you want?” Leon asked gently.

Merlin nodded, “I think some time away would be a very good idea.”

“Ok I’ll speak to Gaius for you. Anyone else?”

Merlin shook his head, “No. Thank you Leon. You know, you’re a very good friend to me.” 

Leon smiled sadly, “as are you to me, Merlin. I hope we’ll see each other again.”

“As do I.” He said then looked over at Arthur supposedly sleeping figure, “keep an eye on him would you?”

Leon nodded, “I always do.”

Merlin smiled a little and walked away. He gathered his things quickly and quietly, he had everything prepared to go by the time the first ray of sun crept over the horizon. He slung his pack over his shoulder and headed for the trail, he saw Leon standing, blocking the way to it and frowned approaching. Once he drew closer he saw the reins of Merlin’s horse in his hands.

“You’ll have an easier time if you take a horse. There’s also a spare sword for you in case you get into any trouble.” Leon said holding the reins out to him. Merlin took them and nodded his thanks. He lead the horse a little ways away before mounting and riding off without looking back.

Arthur lay still on the ground listening to the beat of the receding hooves, every strike like a blow to his already shattered heart, and echoing in his mind as a reminder that it was his fault. Several minutes later he sat up and looked around as if he had just woken up then looked at Leon, “He’s gone?” He asked although it was more a statement.

Leon looked over and nodded, “Yes Sire, he left just a few minutes ago. So you did know he was leaving then?” He asked rather relieved.

“Yes… I knew.”

Leon frowned a little, “I know it’s not my place to speak on it-“

“Then don’t,” Arthur said shortly.

“Of course, Sire.” Leon said bowing his head.

Arthur sighed and rubbed his face, “my apologies, that was rude of me…. I would just rather not talk about this right now… did he by any chance mention where he would be going though?” He asked almost as an afterthought.

“Not really. He said he might go to see his mother but he didn’t know for sure if he was or how long he would be staying there if he did,” Leon said.

Arthur nodded slowly looking down, “did he say anything of returning to Camelot?” He asked hopeful that this might just be Merlin needing some space to think.

“I asked, Sire, but… well it didn’t sound like he would be…. Not anytime soon anyway,” he said, “I’m sorry, Sire,” he added noticing the look on his face, “should I have tried to stop him?”

“No. No, I doubt it would’ve worked had you tried, once he makes his mind up on something, he’s not easily dissuaded.”

“I figured, he seemed pretty sure of himself when he told me he was leaving, I sent him with a horse and a sword. Again it’s not my place but do you know why he decided to leave so suddenly? I mean he wasn’t exactly happy yesterday but he didn’t seem like he wanted to leave….”

“He has his reasons to leave. But they aren’t for me to discuss.” Arthur said.

Leon nodded, “I understand.”

“I’m going to get some water from the stream. Wake the men, I want to get going and hopefully have a better days luck hunting then we did yesterday.” Arthur said and walked off not waiting for Leon to acknowledge the orders. He knelt by the water’s edge and washed his face and took a drink listening to the awakening forest. A twig snapped behind him, the forest fell silent and Arthur’s world went dark before he could turn around.


	5. V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for the long delay in posting this, I had a very busy few days, and had to fix somethings to work with my new plan on where this is going. Not sure when the next update will be but it should be in the next couple of days.   
> Hope you're all still enjoying this and have a great day!

Merlin rode hard through the early morning determined to put a good distance between himself and Camelot. He reined his horse in by midmorning slowing to an easy walk to let the animal breath and to give himself time to figure out where he was headed. He enjoyed the sounds of the forest waking up, the birds chirping, small animals scurrying in the underbrush and insects buzzing lazily, eventually he calmed enough to make up his mind to go visit his mother. 

He made it home late that night and knocked on Hunith’s door still holding his horse since he had wanted to tell his mother he was there before he did anything else.

The door opened and his mother was standing there, she looked stunned but threw her arms around him tightly, “Merlin. I wasn’t expecting to see you. Is there something the matter?” She asked worriedly.

“It’s a long story mother, And no you couldn’t have been expecting me, I didn’t know I was coming until this morning. I wanted to tell you I was here but before I can come in I need to deal with my horse.” He said.

She looked him over worriedly sensing that something was amiss but didn’t know what, “Of course. Well why don’t you unsaddle it and just tie it for the night. We can figure out something better to do with it in the morning.” She said gently.

Merlin smiled sadly and untacked his horse and tied it to a fence and grabbed some hay and water for the animal before heading inside with his mother.

“Where did you get a horse from?” She asked.

“A friend let me take it when I left so I could get where I was going faster.” He said quietly.

“What’s going on? Did you just get sometime off and decide to come see me?” She asked gently

“No… not exactly anyway. I left. I quit my job and headed off without really knowing what I was going to do and decided that I should come here since it had been so long since I had seen you.” He said quietly.

“Why did you want to leave? Last I saw you, you were adjusted to your new life and didn’t seem like anything could make you leave.”

“I…” Merlin hesitated, “I don’t want to go into too much detail on somethings but I'll explain the parts that are mostly important to why I left…. About a month ago I did something stupid and accidentally let someone see my magic. They didn’t realize it was me of course but they still saw magic and went to the king about it. Uther, of course, decided that he needed help dealing with this issue and called in this guy named Aredian, he was a Witchfinder, anyway he accused me of several things only some of which were true but… I refused to confess to the crimes and he tried to force it out of me for about a week. Some other things happened and I thought Arthur hated me because I had been accused of magic.   
Then Gaius managed to prove that Aredian had planted the evidence on me and I was released. Gaius said it was because of the stress of everything I dealt with and went through but for whatever reason I was unconscious for over a week. During which time apparently Arthur spent a lot of time with me and helped Gaius look after me. Not that I remember it but several different people have told me so I suppose it’s true… Anyhow I apparently talk in my sleep and one of the times I was talking I accidentally told Arthur that I do actually have magic and accidentally proved it by using magic in my sleep. He took it surprisingly well, or so I thought anyway. He wanted to see me use magic when I was actually awake to show him properly so I did. Again he was ok with it. I mean he was still nervous but I didn’t blame him when he’s been taught his whole life to fear magic. But then I didn’t really see him for a week his scheduled was ridiculously busy and I wasn’t his servant at the time because I was still injured. So yesterday I returned to work and things were ok but not what they were before. I was pretty sure he didn’t trust me anymore because he was watching me like a hawk.   
He teased me like he normally would’ve but it felt half hearted and forced, he asked if there wasn’t a faster way I could take care of some of my chores so… I stupidly did. I could see the hurt and betrayal… and the fear on his face when he realized just how much I lied to him about. He was leading a hunt and said that I didn’t need to go. He was phrasing it as if it was a favour to me but it sounded more like he just didn’t want me to go. But I did anyway because I wanted, as always, to be there to protect him. Normally I would ride with him but he told me to ride at the back of the group, basically as far away from him as he could get me with me still on the hunt with them. All of this I could handle but then last night we were alone and out of earshot of the knights, and I was already tired from still being sore then riding all day and I haven’t been sleeping well, I just didn’t have it in me to deal with him, I suppose I was rather rude to him a few times, then he just started being cruel with some of the things he said but then he went above and beyond cruel. I couldn’t handle what he said. He told me… he told me that he was wrong to have thought I was different, that I was just like any other sorcerer. That I was one step away from being corrupted and turned into a complete monster… and in that moment I think he may have been right. I told him I quit. That I was done with him and that I was leaving, I wished him good luck since the only reason he was still alive was that I was there and had magic… I said my goodbyes to Sir Leon, he’s who gave me the horse and sword then left first thing this morning,” Merlin said quietly tears dampening his cheeks.

Hunith rubbed his shoulder comfortingly, “I’m sorry Merlin.” She said sadly, “I know how much he meant to you, I’m surprised he reacted this way, from what I saw when he was here with you, you seemed to mean a lot to him as well…”

“I don’t know, but apparently I don’t mean that much to him, because if I did he wouldn’t have treated me like this. He knew what would hurt me the most and used it. You should’ve seen the look on his face as he said it. He enjoyed the pain it caused me. I just… it’s not like I’m a different person now… I’ve always had magic he just didn’t know about. All that has changed is that he knows about it. And really I don’t get how that made it worse… Now he knows the things I’ve done for him. Why does he hate me? All I’ve ever done is protect him and serve him but he threw it all back at me and tells me I’m nothing more then a monster.” He dropped his gaze to the floor his shoulders curled in and shook with silent sobs that he was trying to suppress.

“You are not a monster Merlin. No matter what anyone thinks. And if Arthur truly believes that then he doesn’t know you nor does he deserve you dwelling on this, and suffering.” She said gently and pulled him into a hug, holding him while he cried, “things will work out, they have to,” she murmured soothingly.

~~~

Merlin stayed with his mother and helped around the village fixing things or working in the fields. He worked himself to the bone, ate only when Hunith made, spoke very little except to ask what else needed doing and slept even less than he spoke. When he did sleep he was plagued by nightmares that drove him from sleep dead panic and gasping, sending him stumbling as quietly as he could for the door to walk. If anyone happened to see him out at night and asked him what he was up to on a good night they would get a proper response of “just checking that everything is alright.” But on a bad night the most they’d get, if anything, would be a muttered, “needed air,” or, “checking things,” before he would continue on his way, walking until he could starting working again. 

Four day into him being there he was out in a field while Hunith was in the house cleaning, there was a lot of chatter from outside then a knock on the door. Frowning she looked out a window and saw a horse with the Pendragon seal on its blanket. Setting her jaw she went to the door and threw it open but stopped short when she saw Morgana standing there when she had expected Arthur, “Lady Morgana,” she said bowing, “what can I help you with?” She asked.

“Is Merlin here?” She asked her voice tinged with anxiety.

“Well… that depends, are you here on behalf of Prince Arthur?” She asked.

Morgana frowned and shook her head a little then hesitated and nodded, “In some ways yes, but also no. He didn’t send me. I’m here because he’s been kidnapped. And there’s a ransom but Uther is unable to pay it. I thought Merlin could help me. We’ve only got a few more days before they kill Arthur. So please, if Merlin is here, tell me where he is so I can speak to him, if he isn’t then I must go and try to find him.”

Hunith sighed, “He’s in the far field, you can talk to him but I don’t know that he’ll help you nor do I know if he’ll even speak to you. Nothing personal if he doesn’t talk. He doesn’t talk to anyone really.” She said sadly.

Morgana frowned, “that doesn’t sound like Merlin… well either way I need to try. I have a plan to save Arthur but I need Merlin’s help and only his help will work. Which field is it that he’s in?”

“I’ll show you.” Hunith showed her to the edge of the field where they could see Merlin working up the ground as he had been instructed to do by the farmer who had been injured and couldn’t do it himself, “good luck, my lady. I hope you can get him to help you,” she said and walked away so Morgana could speak to Merlin in private.

Morgana picked her way across the field to where Merlin was working, completely oblivious to her approach. “Merlin?” She asked stopping a little ways away from him.

Merlin looked up and frowned, “why are you here?” He asked.

She was taken aback at the harshness in his voice, his flat expression, lumped in with the black circles under his eyes, all of it adding together to make up a stranger that had the face of her once-friend, “I need your help Merlin.”

He rolled his eyes returning to work, “what else is new? Someone of the Pendragon house needs me to save them again,” he muttered.

“So you won’t even hear what I need help with? So much for us being friends.”

“We were never friends, Morgana, you’re the King’s ward, I am- I was, a servant, now I’m not even that, now I’m nothing more then a farmer. So not friends, cause we both know that’s not allowed, someone of your station cannot be friends with someone of mine.”

“What and just because according to the rules it’s not allowed means that all the things we’ve been through together mean nothing?”

Merlin sighed, “fine, look I’ve got a lot of work to do here, which I know is a foreign concept to you, but I do have things to do. So if it means you’ll shove off and let me finish my job, tell me what this problem is so I can tell you how exactly it isn’t my issue to deal with.”

“I will not have you speaking to me like that Merlin, friend or no friend, and I don’t care about station either, you don’t speak to me like that or anyone for that matter. So quit behaving like a child and listen to me.” 

“Hmm, child, I’ll add that to list of lovely things you Pendragons think I am.” He said shaking his head a little.

She frowned really not liking this attitude but realized she needed to pick her battles with him and this was not the one to push right now, “alright whatever, Arthur has been kidnapped and I need you to help me get him back.”

Merlin scoffed, “and how exactly would I be able to help with that?”

“Because there’s a ransom that needs to be paid and they’ll let him go free,” she said looking appalled that he wasn’t more upset by this news.

“So why doesn’t Uther just pay up?” Merlin asked still working away at the ground not really paying attention to Morgana.

“it’s not one that he can pay, the ransom is more of a task then anything. A sorcerer needs to go to the location that was specified on the letter, which is where Arthur is being held. The sorcerer needs to vouch for Arthur at which point Arthur will be freed and everyone can leave.”

“Good luck getting a sorcerer crazy enough to do that. Better yet why don’t you just do it yourself Morgana?” Merlin asked since he knew of her magic already.

“I would but you know I can’t do any real magic yet, not when I want to anyway. It’s all only been accidental. Please Merlin I need your help on this one. Please.”

“Again what do you expect me to be able to do to help?” He asked.

“I want you to vouch for him.” She said simply.

That got his attention quickly as she wasn’t supposed to know about his magic, “right and even if I qualified, Uther would know one of us was a sorcerer and he would never suspect you meaning he would have me killed, for real this time. So do tell me how that little issue would be addressed.”

“Well for starters you do qualify, I know this, and that part is easy and there are two ways we could go about it, either you just don’t return with us and I tell Uther that I found a sorcerer who was willing to help but for obvious reasons did not wish to enter the city, or wether you want to return with us or not I can tell Uther that with your help we managed to slip inside and sneak Arthur out without anyone noticing. If it’s coming from me he won’t question it and that will be that. No danger to you on that end of things.”

“How do you figure I’m qualified?” He asked.

She sighed, “because I’m not an idiot and can connect the dots. I had always had my suspicions that you might be more than you seemed but brushed it off, until Arthur asked me some not so casual questions about “hypothetically” having found out by accident that a friend has magic and wondering how I would react to it. And if I thought that magic was inherently bad and all that stuff. And it was right after he had been visiting you. It doesn’t take a genius to put that together. Plus you were always really supportive when you found out that I had magic, and you seemed to know so much to help me control it.” 

Merlin sighed, “look I told Arthur that he was on his own now. I would be lying if I vouched for him Morgana. Because I don’t trust him and I don’t know him. Not anymore.”

“So you’re not even going to try and save him?”

“I have saved Arthur’s ass I don’t know how many times! Want to know the thanks I get? I get him not trusting me, hating me even and thinking that I’m a monster. That’s how he thanks me, when I’ve been beaten and hurt, when I have been tortured, because if I hadn’t worked for Arthur I never would have even been a suspect, and I’ve had to hide everything I do for him from him. But after all that the thanks I get is him telling me how much he hates me. So I’m done fixing his problems for him. I can’t- I can’t do it anymore,” Merlin said trembling ever so slightly.

“What? Merlin, there’s no way Arthur could possibly hate you. I mean he can be an ass but please don’t let him die because he’s an idiot. Wouldn’t you rather save him again and him have a chance to explain everything to you? Maybe whatever happened wasn’t nearly as bad as it seemed?”

Merlin sighed deciding to just get this over with, “fine let’s get going then,” He said quietly, and let a ripple of his magic flow out finishing the last bit of work he had left in the field.

She let out a breath of relief, looking mildly impressed by his display of magic, “Thank you Merlin. Have you got a horse to ride?”

“Yes.” He said, and walked out of the field with her trailing behind him. He went to his house and walked in, “I have to go help Arthur. Again,” he said to Hunith.

“Be careful Merlin,” she said worriedly.

“Always am.” He got his sword and packed a bag, he kissed Hunith’s cheek and went outside and got his horse ready and walked to where Morgana was waiting, “Let’s go.” He said mounting.

Morgana mounted her horse as well and they headed out. They rode mostly in silence after Morgana gave up trying to make conversation as Merlin didn’t give much in the way of an answer.

The shadows lengthened as the sun sank towards the horizon but they kept riding until it became too dark for them to continue, “we should stop, you ought to get some rest.” Merlin said pulling his horse to a stop in a clearing. Morgana nodded a little and dismounted, as did Merlin. He took the horses and tied them securely, he grabbed their packs and gave them to Morgana, “get yourself setup. I’ll get some wood and get a fire going,” he said walking off.

Morgana got things set out and several minutes later Merlin walked back into the clearing and drop the wood, he murmured a few words and the fire blazed to life, “did you eat something?” He asked her.

She shook her head, “No I was waiting until you came back,” she said holding an apple and some bread out to him. He hesitated but took it and started eating slowly. She began eating as well watching him curiously, “why did you leave?” She asked.

“Does it matter?”

“Yes, it does you obviously had some kind of falling out with Arthur and although in a normal circumstance it wouldn’t be any of my concern nor would I push for answers, however given the fact we are riding into danger to try and save Arthur’s life together I think I ought to know so I’m prepared.”

Merlin sighed not having the energy to argue with her, “Fine. After everything with the Witchfinder and Arthur finding out about me we talked and he seemed really ok with everything, but then when I returned to work that day he was watching me constantly and at one point asked to see more of my magic so I obliged since I was thrilled that he was ok with it but he just got a weird look on his face and looked like I had betrayed him. Then tried to talk me out of going with him on the hunt but I insisted, so he told me I had to ride at the back of the group, so I was as far away from him as possible. It just hurt that he finally saw me for who I really am and wanted nothing to do with me. Later he found me while I was collecting firewood and started insulting me so I just shoved by him and went back to camp so he decided to corner me by the river and continue insulting me, and went for what he knew would do some real damage and told me that he had been wrong to say I wasn’t like other sorcerers, that magic really does corrupt everyone that uses it and that I was little more than a monster,” Merlin said, sounding more like he was recounting facts from a book then telling her something that had happened to him.

“Oh. Merlin I’m so sorry he treated you like that. Things make a lot more sense now. I’m impressed that you can put all that aside to help save him,” She said, horrified that Arthur who was constantly worrying over Merlin would treat him in such a manner.

Merlin shrugged, “Don’t bother asking why I even am helping him but here I am. So best not to question it. Get some rest once you’re done eating I’ll keep watch.”

“Wake me in a bit, you need rest as well.”

He made a non committal sound in the back his throat and walked off to check the horses. With a sigh Morgana finished off her food and laid down drifting off to sleep. Merlin kept watch while she slept, he paced restlessly the edge of the clearing listening for any sound of danger, wishing he could sleep but knew there was no point in trying. 

Finally being too tired to continue his pacing, he sat by the fire watching it dance in the darkness. He watched as the flames rose and grew until they surrounded him, the smoke curling, burning his throat and lung, his eyes glassy with tears. He coughed, choking on the putrid smoke. He tried to reach forward to cover his mouth but couldn’t move his hands from behind his back, a rope biting into his wrists, ripping at the skin burning just like the fire that was now nipping at his legs. He tried to gasp in pain but only succeeded to suck in a lung full of the wretched smoke that now smelled of his clothes and skin burning. He couldn’t hold it back any longer and screamed which turned into hacking coughs and gags. His panic rose right along side the flames that shot upwards like they would devour the sky and all the world in one fiery blaze sending the ashes of everything floating into oblivion. Distantly he could hear someone screaming his name but couldn’t tell who over the agony ripping through his body as he succumbed to the flames.


	6. VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well it was way longer between updates then I intended but I had a rough week or so. This is a short chapter but I think it deals with the hole I had written myself into so the updates may come more regularly... I hope anyway. So enough out of me, read on, hope you enjoy!

Arthur woke up and looked around the room yet again. He knew he'd been there for about four days, but he had yet to see anyone. Food and water would occasionally be there when he would wake up but no people. Until now anyway. A young very pretty woman was sitting leaning against one of the grand columns in the room, examining her nails.

“Who are you?” Arthur asked warily.

“The one who brought you here,” she said, not bothering to look at him.

“Right. I could’ve guessed that much. Why have you brought me here?”

“I needed bait,” she said shrugging.

“Bait? Bait for what? For who?” He asked bewildered.

“Emrys, I need him to do something for me and this is the only way for me to get what I want.”

“I don’t know anyone named Emrys. I think you must be confused…”

“No. No confusion. You do know Emrys. You just don’t know that he belongs to that name.”

“Ok… anyway, why are you telling me this now? I’ve been here four days, never saw anyone around until now. In the middle of the night… why is that?”

“I had no interest in speaking with you really and there is no one else here but us. I don’t generally socialize with the bait. But he is on his way here to save you and I have a message for you Prince Arthur. If you wish to save Camelot, you’ll have to stab the heart of the heart of Camelot. Remember that if you don’t wish your kingdom to fall into rot and ruin,” she said smirking.

“What? What does that mean? Are you making a threat against Camelot?”

“You’ll understand what it means when the time comes. And no I’m not making a threat. I’m making a promise. I want to have some fun and I’m willing to wait to watch it play out in it’s own time. This curse will take affect when the two hearts beat as one. Good luck Arthur Pendragon, this should be most entertaining for me to watch.” She strode from the room without another word, ignoring his questions and yelling.

Arthur sat pondering the words she had spoken but came up with nothing. Figuring she was just rattling on about nothing as insane, lone sorcerers do, but it still nagged at him enough that he repeated the words to himself over and over to commit them to memory in case they weren’t truly nonsense and came in handy.


	7. VII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jeez I'm terrible at updating. BUT I am almost done writing it so if I can remember to I'll try to post at least once a week. Maybe more but I make no promises. So anyway. Enjoy and let me know what you think in the comments!!   
> (btw this picks up from the end of chapter 5 just so there's no confusion)

Merlin shot upright still choking and gasping for air and looked around wildly trying to figure out where he was, he eventually became aware of a hand on his shoulder and a voice repeating his name gently. He looked towards the source of the sound and saw Morgana and ever so slowly began to remember where he was and why.

“Merlin? Can you speak to me? Can you talk?” She asked gently, panic slowly receding in her eyes.

“Morgana?” He asked.

“Yes it’s me Merlin, you’re safe. You’re ok.” She said gently.

He swallowed hard trying to fight the feeling of needing to throw up, “I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing to apologize for Merlin, if anyone is going to understand nightmares it’s me,” she said gently, “did you want to tell me about it?”

“I sat down to watch the fire to make sure it didn’t go out, but I must have fallen asleep because suddenly my hands were bound behind my back and the flames were all around me. I was on a pyre, I… I couldn’t breathe there was so much smoke, there was fire everywhere,” he said quietly.

Morgana nodded sadly, “that explains a lot, I had woken up and saw you were asleep so I went to check the horses and take over watch so you could rest, then you cried out and the fire got really big for a minute and I tried to wake you up but couldn’t, thankfully whatever happened with the fire didn’t last long so I focused on getting you to wake up,” she said sadly.

Merlin looked worried, “I didn’t hurt you by accident or anything did I?” He asked quietly.

“No you didn’t. I was over by the horses when you did the thing with the fire. Although you almost got yourself.”

He nodded and rubbed his face sitting with his knees tucked up to his chest still trying to calm his breathing, “it’s getting light we should get going shortly,” he said, “we don’t want to waste daylight.”

She nodded, “I’ll start getting the horses ready you just sit for a minute and reorder yourself,” she stood letting her hand drop from his shoulder and walked to the horses to give Merlin some space to breathe.

He stood on shaky legs and held his hand out mumbling some words and doused the fire using magic then gathered up the sleeping rolls, and took them to the horses tying them on.

~~~

They halted on the top of a hill looking down at a castle ruin, “is this the place?” Merlin asked looking over to Morgana, who nodded silently, “it definitely looks like a trap,” he said sighing.

“Yes… Yes it does. If it came down to a fight to get out again are you strong enough to do it?” She asked.

“That depends, we’re assuming this person has magic of their own, I’m powerful but I can’t always use the full extent of my powers, if it comes down to that, Morgana, you will get Arthur out and I will take them on to keep their powers focused on me so you and him can get away.”

“What? No I won’t leave you behind to die.”

“Morgana getting Arthur out is what we’re here to do. Besides we don’t know that it’ll come down to that but if it does you and him get out. I won’t be able to focus all my strength on winning if I have to worry about one of you getting caught in the crossfire. Since neither of you could hold your own in a magical fight. Sword fight definitely but magic… you would be more likely to get in the way then help.”

Morgana sighed and nodded, “fine. If it comes down to it I will make sure Arthur gets out,” she said knowing he was right about her not being able to stand up in a magical fight.

“Good, lets get going, no sense standing here wasting time.” Merlin nudged his horse onward down the hill, Morgana following suit.

They rode through the gait, or at least through the arch that used to have the gait in it. Sharing a glance they dismounted and found a spot to tie their horses, “I suppose we go inside then.” Merlin said frowning around at the deserted courtyard.

“I would guess that you’re right,” Morgana said and headed to the door, Merlin following looking around for some sign of life.

They found what was once a throne room and walked in and stopped in the doorway, for sitting on the ruined throne was Arthur, his head drooped forward and to the side a little. Morgana gave a little gasp and went to go to Arthur but Merlin grabbed her arm, “wait. It's too simple. Too easy. There’s strong magic around, I can feel it, if you thought for a second you’d feel it too.” 

Morgana paused and opened herself to it and shuddered feeling the magic and nodded, “I feel it now,” she said looking around. Merlin looked at the floor but didn’t see anything that could cause a problem and stepped forwards, Morgana went with him deciding it would be best that she stuck right with him.

“So someone has come to claim the prince,” a voice said from behind them. They spun around quickly and found a young woman standing there.

“Who are you?” Merlin demanded, his voice contained pure command, sounding nothing like the boy Morgana knew him as.

The woman looked amused, “who I am is of no concern to you, what is important is which one of you is here to vouch for the young Pendragon?” She asked.

“I am. I’m a sorcerer and I am here to vouch for Arthur Pendragon, he is not his father, he may not be a friend to those who practice magic yet, I believe in the world he will bring about where magic will once again be allowed to flourish and those who practice magic and bring no harm to other’s through it can practice safely and without fear.” Merlin said firmly. 

“And how can you speak with such authority on the matter? How do you know what the prince is like?” The woman asked sizing him up.

“I know him because I am his servant.”

“Oh? Are you now? Because last I heard his servant had disappeared.” She said a small smile playing around her mouth.

“One in the same. I didn’t disappear, I had to resign suddenly and return home to my village, there’s a lot of work and there had been several injuries recently and they were concerned that they would not be able to complete all their work, meaning they wouldn’t have enough food for the winter.” He said not completely lying just glossing over certain details, “however none of that makes a difference because even if I didn’t know him personally you simply said that someone who had magic needed to come and vouch for him, you never specified that they had to know him.”

She narrowed her eyes a little but nodded, “that is fair. Alright. Well you’ve convinced me. If you’re a sorcerer you’ll be able to get him out of the bonds and you will be allowed to leave with him,” she said with a small smile that said she knew something they didn’t, then disappeared.

Merlin frowned but turned and went up to where Arthur sat. He looked at the manacles around his wrists that didn’t appear to be locked, bewildered Merlin reached out to try and open them but the second his finger came in contact with the metal a searing pain shot up his arm, he cried out and dropped to his knees cradling his arm to his body.

“Merlin! What happen?” Morgana asked eyes wide.

“The metal. Whatever you do, don’t touch it. I don’t know what it is but it burns. I think it targets magic, it’s designed to repel it meaning it’s going to take an extreme amount of power to break them,” he said standing up again shaking his arm trying to get feeling back into it. He looked Arthur over while he thought about what to do and realized with a horrible joint, “they’re draining his life from him. The longer he’s stuck in them the weaker he will be… if I can’t get him out they’ll continue draining him until he’s dead… and I hope I’m not right but I think the more of his life force they drain the harder they’ll be to break… I think they’re powered by the life forces they steal. I really hope I’m wrong on that.” He said, worrying at his lip, trying to think of a powerful enough spell.

“Do you know a spell, Merlin?” She asked worriedly.

“I suppose the best I can try is an unlocking spell but put a lot of power behind it I guess. I’ve never had to deal with something like this before. I’ve never even heard of this type of magic….” He took a deep breath and held his hand out towards the manacles and spoke focusing all his power into it. There was a blinding flash of light, his eyes burning gold, then a reluctant click sounded as his power receded. He stumbled and sat down off to the side breathing hard, “check him,” he gasped to Morgana waving her away weakly to see to Arthur first.

She turned her attention to Arthur, who groaned, “Merlin?” He asked.

“Yes he’s here, Arthur,” Morgana said gently and looked to Merlin but he had passed out. Morgana felt a flash of panic and reached over checking if he was breathing, which he was, just very weakly, “he’s… um… he’s resting for a minute Arthur. Are you ok?” She asked looking at Arthur again.

“M’fine…” he said quietly, slowly opening his eyes, “head hurts, so do my wrists… what happened?” He asked not seeing Merlin yet.

“You were kidnapped and bound to the throne you’re currently sitting in. Merlin and I came to get you, the manacles you were bound with were draining your life from you, the longer you were in them the weaker you got but also the more life they got from you the harder they were to get off. At least that’s what Merlin thought….”

“Where is Merlin?” Arthur asked, his mind still fuzzy and confused feeling.

“He’s resting for a minute. It took a lot of power to break the manacles,” She said gently.

Arthur frowned a little and sat up straighter blinking hard, his strength slowly returning to him, he looked around but didn’t see Merlin, “Is he ok?”

Morgana began to answer but was cut off before she could, “I’m fine, Arthur. Morgana help him up and lets get out of here, I can still feel magic at work here and I don’t trust it,” Merlin said suddenly standing beside Morgana. Morgana looked over at him frowning but helped Arthur up who was staring at Merlin.

Merlin didn’t even look at Arthur and walked out ahead of them checking for traps and making sure no one was laying in wait to attack them as they passed. Morgana supported Arthur following Merlin outside to where their horses waited. Merlin helped get Arthur onto one of the horses, “you take the other. I’ll walk,” he told Morgana.

She frowned but nodded deciding not to get into an argument with him right now. She mounted and they rode out, Arthur’s horse mostly just following Morgana’s since Arthur still hadn’t recovered enough to guide it. Merlin walked a little ways behind Arthur’s horse making sure no one came up from behind to attack them as they left. 

Arthur drifted in and out of consciousness as they rode, Merlin had to catch him with his magic at one point to stop him from toppling off the horse. The sky began to darken but Merlin insisted they continue on, he moved to walking in front of them and lit the way with a small ball of light. Morgana was watching him as he walked ahead of her, looking concerned wondering how he was managing to stay on his feet, when it was all she could do to stay on her horse and she hadn’t used all her energy on breaking the manacles and hadn’t been walking for seven hours.

Merlin walked on barely keeping his legs under himself but wanted to put as much distance between them and that place that felt over dark magic that threatened to smother him, he could feel it dragging dark talons across his magic, feel it wrapping around his very bones like a snake trying to crush him into dust, could still feel the fangs of black magic sinking into him like poison getting a hold on its victim it nestled into the dark corners of his mind to fester and worsen. So Merlin kept pushing on hoping that with distance the strange and growing darkness he felt inside would subside.   
Eventually the sun began to rise again and Ealdor was just a head in the distance. Merlin let his ball of light go out once the sun was up a little, they crossed the open expanse of fields and into the village, Merlin helped Morgana down, then Arthur. He walked them to his mother’s house and they went inside, Hunith looked up and saw the three of them and relief washed through her that they all made it back ok. She got them all settled in and all three of them passed out thoroughly exhausted from their journey.


	8. VIII

Merlin managed to get several hours of actual sleep undisturbed by nightmares. He was awake when Morgana woke as well, “Merlin? You’re already awake? Did you not get any rest?” She asked.

“I did. I got a few hours of sleep before the nightmares swooped in to steal any hopes I had of more rest. But it’s fine. A little rest is better then none. You and Arthur should rest today and tonight then head back to Camelot tomorrow, give you both a chance to have you’re full strength and energy back before making the trip.” He said pulling on his boots.

She nodded a little, “Thank you Merlin, it’s been very kind of your mother to take us in and shelter us like this.”

“I think she would be very glad to hear that.”

“I’m going to go for a quick walk. I need to move around after being on a horse for so long,” Morgana said standing and stretching.

Merlin nodded a little, “I’ll make some food. It should be ready when you get back.”

She smiled and walked outside, closing the door behind herself. Merlin went to work preparing something for them to eat, figuring Arthur wouldn’t have eaten since before he had been kidnapped and Morgana hadn’t eaten since the day before.

Arthur sat up and saw Merlin cooking and frowned trying to remember what was going on, “Merlin? What happened?” He asked.

Merlin looked over at him the same icy look in his eyes that he’d had by the river, “you were kidnapped and going to die. Morgana showed up here and begged me to help her save you. I gave in and came. You were dying when we got to you. There were these odd magical manacles that you were bound with, they were slowly draining your life force and they took a lot of magic to break. Morgana and I then dragged your ass outside and onto a horse and I lead the way back here to Ealdor so you and Morgana had somewhere safe to rest before making your way back to Camelot. So basically, you got yourself into a tough place and I had to save you yet again.” He said returning his attention to the cooking.

“You saved me? After you said you were done with me? Why?” Arthur asked.

“Hell if I know,” Merlin said, seeming nothing like the boy Arthur used to know.

“Ah well we see how well you keep your word then huh?” Arthur said hoping to break some of the tension by kidding around but realized that wasn’t what he should be saying based on the look on Merlin’s face.

“Yes that’s so funny Arthur. Mock the guy who saved your life yet again. I suppose you shouldn’t be thanking me really either, I only went because Morgana made some points that I couldn’t argue against at the time. However I'm starting to think I would’ve been better off leaving to your fate.”

Merlin would have been kinder to kick Arthur in the shins, “what? This… this isn’t you Merlin. I don’t understand. Why are you behaving like- this?” He asked frowning changing at the last second what he was going to say.

“Like what? Like a monster? Is that what you were going to call me? Again? I’m just me Arthur. I’m just showing you what happens when you decide to act like an entitled child all the time. You make enemies of everyone. You act as though you can stand on your own. Like you need no one but yourself and like you can do everything on your own. And if someone does help you, you just blow it off saying that you would’ve handled it yourself. So guess what? People, even though they know you need help, won’t bother helping you. Very suddenly you will doing everything for yourself and you will be alone because you seem to be incapable of learning. And incapable of getting help or asking for it.”

Arthur was silent just staring at Merlin, “I- that was not what I was going to call you Merlin. I don’t know what I was going to say but that wasn’t it at all…” Arthur trailed off not knowing where to go with this, he wanted to apologize to Merlin but couldn’t begin to find the words and just stared desperately at Merlin his mind frustratingly blank. All the words he had thought to say to Merlin when he got the chance slipped through his grasp like water and vanished like mist in the morning sun leaving Arthur stranded trying to force out words that no longer existed.

Merlin shook his head, “Look Arthur, I really don’t care what you were going to say. I saved you one last time. Now you and Morgana can rest here for today and leave tomorrow morning. This is as far as my involvement in your life goes. It ends here. I would have been happy to keep protecting you, saving you, being beaten, tortured and poisoned for you all I needed from you was you to understand why I kept this one thing from you. Yes it was a really big thing to hide but I couldn’t tell you. There I was yet again hurting myself in order to protect your sorry ass because I couldn’t tell you. I just needed your understanding and you to trust me again but you couldn’t do it. You were too busy thinking about how upset you were, how betrayed you felt, how conflicting it was, to even think of what I might need, how I would need you to react. How conflicting and terrifying it was for me having to hide this from you every single day. You just don’t care about other people. I know I shouldn’t expect any different from you but I really did think you were better then other royals.” Merlin said shaking his head knowing he may be pushing it a little far but couldn’t seem to stop himself from saying every little thing he’s ever wanted to say.

“I… I want to be better then that. I want to be who you thought I was… Do… do you really mean not to return to Camelot?” Arthur asked quietly.

“I mean it. I have nothing there except fear and pain. I don’t see the point in going back. Except to see Gaius, but beyond that I have no reason to go back. It’ll be better this way. It’ll be as though I was never there, you can pretend like I never existed, get a servant that you will trust, and I can do… well I can do whatever I want to. You’ll never have think of me again and go about becoming King of the great Camelot, without the burden of me,” Merlin said keeping his voice even and firm despite the pain this was causing him, believing this was what Arthur would want.

Arthur looked down giving a small nod, “I know you won’t believe me, but I’ll miss you Merlin. And I hope you have a good life,” Arthur said quietly, barely processing what was going on, his mind stuck at Merlin being out of his life.

“This is goodbye right now, Arthur. I think it would be for the best that we leave everything the way it is, this way we don’t continue on to saying things that could make things get ugly,” Merlin said walking over to him and held out his hand, Arthur shook it, grasping it tightly desperately casting around in his mind for words that might heal this horrible rift between them and get Merlin to go back with him but came up blank.

“Goodbye Arthur,” Merlin said pulling his hand away, he cleared throat and looked at Arthur one last time then headed to the door, “my mother will provide you and the lady Morgana with whatever you require for the remainder of you time here and for your trip home. The best of luck to you Prince Arthur.” He gave a small bow and slipped out the door.

“But what if what I require is you coming back with me?” He asked the empty room staring sadly at the closed door, hoping this was all some bazaar dream and he’d wake up back in Camelot in his own bed to Merlin opening the curtains and telling him to get up, and bicker back and forth while Merlin does his chores and Arthur prepares for the day. He began to wish for something more then that but he refused to let the thoughts fully form since he knew they would do him no good and he didn’t really understand what it was he wanted anyway.

But it wasn’t a dream and he didn’t wake up to his old life, instead a new part of their lives began. A part without each other, Arthur and Morgana travelled back to Camelot, life continued for them strangely normal but nothing felt right to Arthur. Everything felt off kilter but he couldn’t really say why. As days and months passed by he slowly got used to the strangeness and slowly lost hope of Merlin returning to him and Camelot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so that was a shorter chapter but I wanted to post something. I have finished writing the rest of this last night but I need to do some editing still... Would you guys want an update (almost) every day, once a week, or just randomly? Lemme know...   
> anyway I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for the kudos and comments. even if I don't reply to them they still mean a lot so thank you!!


	9. IX

Merlin stayed with his mother for months but couldn’t resist the pull of Camelot and his destiny forever, nor could he deny that he missed a certain golden hair prince now that he had calmed down some, so he returned in secret. He waited at the edge of the city until the sun set and crept past the guards and into the upper town. He peered around a corner but there were guards. He frowned leaning his back against the wall then looked again and let out a breath of relief the guards moved on to another hallway. He slipped down the hallway and through the door into Gaius’ chambers.

Gaius jumped and looked over, “Merlin?” He gasped and hurried over to him and pulled him into a hug, “How are you my boy? I’ve missed you.”

Merlin smiled and hugged him back, “I’ve missed you too. I’m sorry for leaving like that. I just couldn’t be here any longer.”

“I understand completely. But what brought you back?”

“I just couldn’t keep away. I could feel the draw back here. I think it’s because of my destiny but whatever it is I had to come back the nagging feeling was driving me mad.”

“Why did you sneak in here in the middle of the night?” Gaius asked confused.

“I don’t plan on telling Arthur I’m back. I don’t want anything to do with him other then making sure the idiot doesn’t get himself killed somehow. That’s why I'm here and that’s what I’ll do. I will protect him from a distance but keep out of his way.”

Gaius frowned, “Are you sure that is a good idea?”

“It’s the best I’ve got. It obviously wasn’t working with me being with him all the time. Not once he found out what I am so I’ll still do my job and protect him but from a distance so it doesn’t get stupidly complicated again. It’ll basically be how used to be, no recognition, no thanks, but at least this time I don’t have to actually deal with the ass.”

Gaius frowned still not really knowing what happened to make Merlin leave only what Sir Leon had told him and then the update Morgana had given him. “Well you can still use the bedroom it’s still setup for you. Why don’t you go put your things away and I’ll get you something to eat, you must be hungry after your journey.”

As Merlin sat and ate a few minutes later, Gaius sat and talked with him, “oh well by the way if you’re planning on protecting Arthur, he is leading a group of new knights on their first patrol, a very good time for him to be attacked if you ask me.”

Merlin sighed, “alright. Thank you Gaius I’ll go keep an eye on them. I guess I should get some rest before I have to go then.”

Gaius nodded and watched Merlin headed up to the bedroom. He knew something was different with the boy, something was wrong with him but couldn’t tell what it was.

~~~

Arthur walked at the head of the group, the newest potential knights were in formation behind him just as they had practiced. He was on edge watching the surrounding forest, he had felt like they were being watched. Had felt it since they entered the forest, plus he was always on edge taking the potentials out for the first time. He shook himself mentally when he started wishing for Merlin to be with him. He knew it was a stupid thing for a prince to wish for his manservant - ex manservant - to be out on patrol because it made him more comfortable but he just couldn’t help himself.

Lost in his thoughts about a certain blue eyed, clumsy sorcerer he didn’t notice the bandits until they had him and the knights surrounded and attacked. 

The swords of the knights glinted in the sunlight that filtered into the clearing through the trees as they tried to fend off the attacks, the clang of metal on metal and shouts of the wounded filled the once quiet forest. Arthur engaged a bandit in single combat throwing himself hard into the fight, the bandit was a strong opponent, all of Arthur’s attention was on his fight and not what happened around him. He dispatched his opponent only to turn and see an arrow flying straight and true at him without anytime to block it or move out of the way he twisted to try and take it somewhere non-lethal. The arrow never reached him he turned to see it paused in the air then drop to the ground harmlessly at his feet. The strong, thick branch the archer was crouched on cracked and fell, taking her out of the fight. Arthur didn’t have a chance to dwell on this however as another bandit attacked, he blocked the blows then finished off the bandit with ease. 

All went quiet except for the groaning and panting of the injured, Arthur looked around taking tally of everything. Three knights were on the ground, badly injured. The other seven were still standing, however five of them seemed worse off then the last two. 

He sighed and pointed to the five who were only a little injured, “you five, get the other three to the city. You two,” -he pointed to the remaining knights- “are coming with me, we need to check that there aren’t more bandits around and if there are we need to take count then return to the city for back up. These are well trained bandits.” 

The knights nodded and Arthur lead them into the forest following the tracks the bandits left as they were approaching to attack. They followed them back to their camp but didn’t see any others around. 

Arthur glanced around the feeling of be watched still hung over him, it hit him then, the branch breaking, the arrow stopping itself, he turned on spot looking at the sea of green hoping to catch a glimpse of the boy he knew haunted his steps but saw nothing.

“Sire, there doesn’t seem to be anything here. I think that was all of them in the clearing,” Eric said, snapping Arthur back to the moment.

“Alright. Good work. Lets get back to Camelot. I need to report this. You both had better see the physician when we get back just to be sure you’re uninjured,” Arthur ordered.

They nodded their assent and they headed back to the citadel. Arthur looking around still hoping for even a glimpse of Merlin but saw nothing but could feel him still. 

“Sire, I believe we’re being followed,” James murmured his hand resting on his sword.

“I think the same,” Eric said quietly.

Arthur nodded, “I know. But they seem to be keeping their distance. We need to get back to the city. We don’t know who is following us,” -lie- “and we don’t know how many there are. We don’t want to be overwhelmed by attackers so just keep moving.”

They nodded and walked the rest of the way in silence their hands never left the hilt of their swords however.

~~~

Arthur went to see Gaius after giving his report to his father, not that he really needed to be checked over but he hoped he would see Merlin. He knocked then stepped into the chambers.

“Ah Arthur I was wondering when you would be coming by for your check over. Come and sit I’ll make sure you didn’t break anything.” Gaius stared working on Arthur while giving him an update on the condition of the seven knights he had sent back ahead of himself. 

After a little and Gaius had finished speaking Arthur looked at him, “So the strangest thing happened during the fight today.”

“And what would that have been, Sire?”

“Well, before we attacked, just after we stepped into the forest I had the feeling we were being watched, of course I just put it down to me be on edge about taking the new recruits out since it’s always risky. But during the fight… Well, an arrow was shot at me, I only had time to see it and try to twist so it wouldn’t kill me but it just stopped and landed on the ground. Then the branch the archer was on just snapped. It was very strange, and during an attack that should’ve been devastating there are only three seriously injured? Odd isn’t it?” Arthur asked hoping Gaius might tell him for sure that it was Merlin that had saved him.

“That is odd, Sire. Seems you have someone watching out for you. Good thing too. Well, you don’t seem to have any injuries, other than a few cuts and bruises, I’ll get you a tonic to reduce the pain that will come from the bruises and keep down and inflammation but beyond that there’s nothing else that will need my attention.”

Arthur sighed, disappointed but didn’t press more, “Thank you Gaius.” He left, walking back to his chambers, deep in thought. He never noticed the figure that followed him until he was safely in sight of the guards that watched over the door to his room.

~~~

Weeks passed and Arthur felt a little like he was going mad. He could feel that he was being followed and watched but could never catch who it was. He still hoped it was Merlin but was starting to doubt it because if it was, why didn’t he reveal himself? 

He was sitting in his chambers trying to do some paperwork and managing to relax slightly since this was one of the only places he didn’t feel someone was watching. He looked up when his door opened and Morgana stepped in, “do you mind some company?”

He shook his head a little and gestured to the other chair at the table. She smiled and shut the door behind her before sitting.

“Did you need something Morgana?” Arthur asked.

“Have you felt someone watching you when you’re outside the castle?” She asked.

Arthur nodded, “Yes,” he said simply.

“Do you know who it is then? Since you don’t seem overly upset or concerned?”

“I have my suspicions but I don’t know how to confirm it. Honestly I’ve felt like I was going mad. That’s why I spend most of my time in here right now.”

“It feels… It feels like its Merlin. Is that who you thought?”

Arthur nodded, “but if it is him, he won’t show himself to me. But he save my knights and myself a couple weeks ago during that ambush. And followed us all through the forest but even I didn’t manage so much as a glimpse of him…”

“Could we ask Gaius?”

Arthur sighed, “even if he knows it’s Merlin he won’t tell us. If Merlin doesn’t want us to know he’s back Gaius won’t betray him. Not even to us.”

Morgana sighed and nodded, “you’re right. Well… we could try drawing Merlin out somehow.”

“How do you suggest we do that?”

“Well obviously he’s protecting us. One of us could ride out on our own and see if he’ll show himself when there’s no one else around,” Morgana suggested.

Arthur frowned thinking it over and nodded slowly, “only problem with that, is it would likely be you he was show up to and I don’t think it’s a good idea to send you out into the woods alone.”

“I think you underestimate how much he cares for you. I think he’ll talk to you but Arthur if it is him and he does show himself, you’ll need to be nice and you’ll have to be calm. You can’t lose your temper and yell at him or he may never show himself again or even worse he might just leave again. Permanently this time though. So you have to be sure you can be calm, no matter how he acts or we won’t do this.”

“I can do it. I’ll go as soon as my horse is ready.”

Morgana nodded, “I’ll be in my chambers when you return, I would like to know what happens.” She slipped from her chair and out the door.

Arthur called for his new servant and sent him to ready his horse.

Half an hour later he was riding to the trail opening at the edge of the forest. Just in riding clothes, with his sword. He made it just inside the tree line before a twig snapped off to the right of the trail and he halted the horse looking around.

“Where are you going so unarmed?” A voice asked from the same direction as where the twig broke. It didn’t sound like Merlin which made Arthur frown, concerned he was walking into a trap.

“Riding. Why is it any of your business?” Arthur asked.

“Makes things far more difficult for me to keep you alive. Did you decide that you’re actively trying to get yourself killed?” 

“No but when I’ve been being stalked for weeks I figure this is the only way to find out for sure who it is. I had hoped to speak to whoever it was that saved me a couple weeks ago.”

“Oh? And why do you think that they are still hanging around? How do you know that whoever was following you is the same person that saved you? And the same as who you’re speaking to right now?” The voice asked now from the left of trail.

“Well I simply hoped it was, I thought…” he hesitated, “I thought I recognized the magic that saved me.”

“Why would the prince who hates magic recognize someone’s magic? As if.” The voice scoffed now coming from just around the bend in the trail.

“Well… it wasn’t the magic itself I recognized. It was the actions and I mostly hoped that it was them. But even if it wasn’t I would still like thank you for saving me. But I would like to know who I'm speaking to.”

“Always expecting people to just give you the answers. Come and find them yourself.” The voice said but it was starting to sound more familiar and was still coming from around the corner in the trail.

Arthur hesitated glancing only once back the way he came before nudging his horse forward and they rounded the corner. A hooded and cloaked figure stood in the middle of the path. They stood still, it seemed as though they were watching Arthur ride towards them but it was difficult to tell with the hood obscuring their face, “That’s close enough.” The figure commanded.

Arthur stopped his horse, “I assume that was a test to see if I would trust you enough to come alone into the forest with you.”

“Yes it was. Now, do you plan on turning me into your father when you go back to the city?”

“You don’t pose a threat to my people or myself so no. No I don’t.”

“Oh? Really? That’s interesting. Word is you think magic equals monster.”

“I don’t. I don’t believe that. I know that some people are capable of using magic only for good.”

The figure was silent long enough Arthur began to wonder if he had said something wrong, “If you want to know who I am you’ll have to walk over without the sword I want insurance that I’m not about to be killed.”

Arthur hesitated again but dismounted and tied his horse securely to a tree and left his sword on his saddle. He turned and faced the hooded person and walked over cautiously. He stopped several steps away. 

They reached up and slowly drew back the dark green hood of the cloak, “hello Arthur,” Merlin said quietly.


	10. X

Relief flooded through Arthur and he covered the remaining distance pulling Merlin into a tight embrace. Merlin tensed in shock and didn’t have a chance to relax before Arthur was pulling away and stepping back having gotten control over himself realizing what he was doing.

“Well… um… good to see you too Arthur.” Merlin said, figuring this was better then being killed on spot.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were back?”

“Because I don’t owe you anything. And I don’t trust you,” Merlin said quietly.

Arthur nodded slowly, and stepped back farther, “I see. Well then…. Well now I know it’s you following me around I don’t need to be nearly as worried as I was. Anyway… Thank you Merlin, for saving my life, however many times it is now.”

Merlin tilted his head, shocked to hear that, “oh well you’re welcome. Um… unless you actually have something you need to do in the woods you should probably head back to the city,” Merlin said flipping his hood back up.

“How did you stay hidden from sight when you were following me?” Arthur asked watching Merlin. 

Arthur could almost feel the smiled on Merlin’s face, “Magic.” He said and murmured some words, stepping back until he was standing among the underbrush. If Arthur hadn’t known where Merlin was standing he wouldn’t have noticed him. 

“That’s… that’s amazing. So you could have been standing in front of me the whole time and I wouldn’t have seen you.”

“Pretty much. I mean that was the point.”

“I know you said it’s because you don’t trust me, which is fair, but is there more to it?”

“Things got too complicated before. I thought you cared about me and I let that cloud my judgement. It’s better if I do my real job of keeping you alive from a distance in more then one sense. I will keep you alive but I am not your servant. I am not your friend. I am simply your guardian. I will make sure you survive to become the King you’re meant to be and make sure you can create the world that was foretold. But I will have no direct involvement in the rest of your life.” 

Arthur opened his mouth to say something more but closed it and nodded, “I suppose if that is what you think… If this is what you want then there is nothing I can say.”

“Head back to the city Arthur. If you really appreciate my watching over you you could start sending a list of your duties to Gaius and he’ll make sure I get them so I can continue keeping an eye on you.”

“Alright I can do that.” Arthur watched Merlin quietly for a moment longer wishing he could see his face still but made himself turn around and go back to his horse. He mounted and rode back towards the city. He knew the second he rode through the gates that Merlin was no longer following but never saw him leave and knew he just had to take it on faith that Merlin would let no harm come to him.

~~~

“It was and wasn’t him. I don’t know how to explain it Morgana,” Arthur said half an hour later in her chambers.

She frowned watching from her table while he paced, “I know what you mean. It was the same when I got him to come rescue you. He was Merlin but… wrong. Like he forgot how to care. Like he still sounded and moved like him but didn’t act the same. No jokes or dumb comments.”

Arthur nodded, “It’s like he’s someone else trying to do an impression of Merlin but can’t quite capture him. It’s unsettling. But it’s more then that. There is something more that is not right but I can’t put my finger on it,” Arthur sighed and rubbed his face, “I don’t know what I thought I would accomplish by going out there.”

“Well you got him to show himself and talk to you. Which is more then you got from him for a while now. It’s a start Arthur. What did he say to you?”

“He told me that he doesn’t trust me. That’s why he stayed hidden. That and he said it makes his job easier not needing to deal with me directly. He has no interest in being around me anymore and has asked that I send notice to Gaius if I’m going places so Gaius can tell him instead of having to find out directly from me.” He sat down heavily in the chair across the table from Morgana, holding his head in his hands, “I really messed things up and I don’t think I can fix it.”

Morgana rounded the table and rested her hand on his shoulder, “If anyone can fix things its you. I’ll see if Merlin will talk to me still. He was helping me out with somethings before he left, I’ll see if he is still willing to help and I’ll try to smooth things out a little with him if you’d like me to?” She offered gently.

Arthur looked up at her, “You will?”

“Of course Arthur, you’re both my friends and I don’t like to see this rift between you. So if I will do what I can to help fix it.”

Arthur nodded a little, “Alright. Thank you Morgana. This means a lot to me.”

She smiled and nodded, “I’ll see if he’s with Gaius and try to talk to him now.”

Arthur stood and nodded, “Ok that would be great.” He said and walked out. 

Morgana, good to her word went to Gaius’ chambers and knocked. Gaius opened the door, “ah Lady Morgana, what can I do for you?” He asked letting her in.

“I was hoping to speak with Merlin.”

Gaius frowned, “Merlin? I’m sorry My Lady as you know Merlin no longer lives here. You told me yourself that he wasn’t coming back.”

Merlin’s door opened and he walked down, “It’s alright Gaius. I was wondering when she would come by. She would’ve sensed that I was back,” Merlin said, Gaius nodded and went back to his work. “What did you need to speak to me about?” Merlin asked.

“I was hoping that since you’re back you would still be willing to talk to me about my magic. And well I had hoped you might be willing to try and teach me control now that I know what I know about you,” She said hopefully.

Merlin observed her for a minute before nodding, “Ok I can do that,” he said, “when do you want to start?”

“Tonight?” She asked hopefully.

He nodded, “I’ll be at the edge of the woods at dusk. Meet me there and we’ll practice in a clearing just out of sight of the city.”

“Alright. Do I need to bring anything with me?” 

“No. Just try not to be followed.”

She nodded, “thank you Merlin.” 

She left and Gaius turned to Merlin, “Are you sure teaching her to use her magic is wise? You know the prophecy…”

“I know and I don’t care. I’m not leaving her scared of her magic. I won’t abandon her, she should know how to use it so she can hide it easier.”

Gaius frowned not sure he believed it but nodded anyway and watched Merlin go back to his room.

~~~

Morgana crept out of the city and went to the edge of the woods and looked around worried thinking Merlin wasn’t there until suddenly he was right beside her.

She bit back yelp, “how did you do that?” She asked.

“It’s partly the cloak and partly my magic. The cloak is specially made for you to use concealment charms on it. It always me to pass unnoticed in a crowd or be nearly invisible in the woods. It’s very useful but can go horribly wrong if you don’t use the proper spells. Come on. Lets get to the clearing so we can start.” He said and headed down a small path. Morgana hesitated but followed him. 

They reached a small clearing surrounded by dense forest and underbrush except for the small gap where they entered from. Merlin set out a candle, “For now we’ll start simply. I want you to say Forbearnan, to light the candle” He said calmly.

She hesitated but nodded and looked at the candle, “Forbearnan,” nothing happened. Her eyes didn’t even flash.

“It’s alright try again.”

She bit her lip but tried it several more times but still nothing came of it.

“You’re fighting yourself. You need to want the candle to light. Right now you’re not letting the magic do what it needs to. I know you’ve been forcing it down for so long and you fear it but you need to let go of the fear now and light the candle. You’re safe here, I’ll make sure of it. Once you learn to control your magic the easier you’ll find keeping it hidden from others will be. Your magic is part of you. Right now you’re looking at it as something other then yourself, you need to see it as an extension of you. Take some deep breaths and let go.” Merlin said, voice soft and soothing.

She did as he told her, she breath deep and loosened the grip she had on her magic and spoke, “Forbearnan,” Her eyes flashed golden and the candle sprang to life. She gasped and smiled up at Merlin.

He smiled back, “I knew you could do it. How did that feel?”

“Like nothing I have felt before. It felt… felt right, nothing like the other times where I had just let it out in a panic. It felt amazing. Could I try again?”

“Sure. Just be careful, if you do too much at once you can exhaust yourself. You saw what happened when I used too much magic at once.” 

She nodded and blew the candle out and lit again with magic. Merlin smiled and told her how to put it out with magic. So she practiced lighting it and putting it out again using only magic until she started to get tired.

“Alright I think that’s enough for tonight. You need to get back to the castle. You’re going to be tired tomorrow and hungrier then normal. But you did a great job especially for the first night. I’m impressed.”

She smiled, “thank you Merlin. When can we do this again?”

“Well that will depend on how you feel tomorrow. Send me word if you’re feeling up to it tomorrow but if you aren’t then we can meet the next day. If you over do it that when people get hurt so if you’re feeling even remotely burnt out tomorrow leave it for a day.” He said gently as they walked through the forest.

She nodded, “thank you again Merlin.” She said when they reached the edge of the city.

He smiled and watched her slip in, sticking to the shadows. He put his hood up and hid himself, following her until she went into the castle at which point he changed his route from her’s and went to Gaius’ chambers and went up to bed careful not to wake Gaius.

This carried on for a week Merlin watching over Arthur during the day when he needed it and sneaking out to the forest with Morgana to train her at night. Unfortunately for her Merlin was very good at steering the conversation back to whatever task he had set her that night. Making it very difficult for her to broach the subject of Arthur with him no matter how subtly she tried to move the conversation that way.

Finally she gave up trying to be subtle about about and asked out right one night while she was taking a short break from practicing, “Merlin… I know Arthur isn’t your favourite topic-“

“No he’s not. So why are you bring him up?” Merlin asked.

“Because, I care about both of you and I don’t want to see you both hurting,” she said frowning. 

Merlin scoffed, “I am better off having nothing to do with him and he doesn’t care one way or the other about me. And if he did feel something for me it would be contempt.”

“That isn’t true Merlin. He’s miserable without you.”

“No he isn’t. Don't forget I’ve been watching over him for a month now. He is completely fine without me around. Other then almost dying all the time that is… But beyond needing me to keep him alive he doesn’t need me nor does he want me around. We don’t trust each other anymore. I know he doesn’t really trust me even if he says he does. I know how he looks at me now and after how he treated me I can’t trust him again. It’ll only get me hurt.”

She looked at him sadly, “and yet you miss him don’t you?”

He looked at her silently his expression hidden in shadows, “Every day,” he answered finally after she had gone back to practicing thinking he wouldn’t answer.

“Even if you don’t want to believe it he is a mess when you can’t see him. I’ve seen him turn to talk to whoever is next to him and realize it’s not you and his smile will fall and he won’t say anything. And he is genuinely sorry for what he did. Not that it excuses his actions but he does regret it. Anyway. I’ve said my piece. I’ll drop it now. I just felt I needed to say something.” She said continuing to practice.

Merlin watched her work in silence. Nearly an hour later he finally spoke again, “I think that’s a good place the stop for tonight. Let’s head back.” 

She nodded and they walked back in silence. She thanked Merlin as always before they parted ways. She hesitated at a turn in the hallway then took the one to Arthur’s chambers rather then her own and knocked.

“Enter” Arthur said even though it was late. Morgana stepped in, “Ah Morgana I saw you coming back into the castle from my window. Where were you off to alone in the middle of the night?” He asked standing next to the window still.

“I wasn’t alone. I was with Merlin. I told you I would get close to him so I did.” She said.

Arthur looked over at her sharply, “well then… um…” he trailed off and looked out the window again, “I assume he was using the cloak then? That’s why I didn’t see him as well?”

“I suppose. He usually he disappears right at the edge of city so I don’t really know if he stays with me until the castle or goes to do other things first.”

Arthur nodded a little, “is there a point to your visit?” He asked.

“A few actually. I spent a week trying to get him to talk to me about you but he never would so tonight I gave up and asked him. He told me mostly what he told you. That he couldn’t trust you anymore but he believes that you don’t care about him, that you’re better off without him. You definitely did a number on the poor guy with what you said to him.”

Arthur sighed sadly, “it’s pointless then? There’s no chance of rectifying this is there?”

“I didn’t say that. He misses you Arthur”

“Sure he does… no I doubt that. I mean why would he? I wasn’t exactly nice to him then how I reacted to his secret….”

“I asked him if he missed you and he said yes. He told me he misses you. It’s not hopeless Arthur. You’ll just have make a real effort if you want him back. If it’s worth it to you, you’ll have to put in the work to gain his trust back.” She said gently.

He looked at her, “How can I do that?”“Well for starters you’ll need to be able to look at him without that wounded, you-betrayed-me look you get.”

“I don’t mean to get that look but its hard not to when that’s what he did.”

“No Arthur,” she sighed, “betraying you would have been him waiting until you feel asleep one night and smothering you in your sleep. Which I'm sure was pretty tempting at times giving the moods you get into. What he did was self preservation.”

He rubbed his face, “Yes I suppose you’re right. What else would I have to do?”

“You would need to be kinder to him. Not that you can’t tease him but also respect his boundaries don’t yell at him over stupid things. Acknowledge when he does things for you. Do something nice for him. Just simple things like that will make all the difference.”

He nodded slightly.

“And Arthur you’re sure you can do this? For a sorcerer?”

“I- I’m still having a hard time with it… I’m doing something nice for Merlin. Not a sorcerer.”

“One and the same Arthur. You have to accept that. You can’t have one without the other and if you can’t understand that, than there is no point in trying to patch things up with him because your inability to accept it will just break everything all over again.”

Arthur sighed heavily, “I know. I wish that- I don’t even know at this point.” He shook his head slightly, “So what this between you and Merlin…?” He asked trailing off not really knowing what he was asking.

She frowned, “there isn’t anything between me and Merlin. We’re friends but nothing beyond that,” she said. 

“No? Then why are you sneaking around with him after dark?” He asked curiously.

She hesitated, “You will not react well if I tell you the truth.” 

“How would you know?” He asked looking over at her.

She fidgeted with her hands, “he’s teaching me how to control my magic.”

Arthur starred at her trying to figure out how to respond to this, “he’s teaching you magic?”

“Not exactly. He’s teaching me control. I’m like him. I’ve always had it, only it didn’t manifest until a couple of years ago. That’s where my nightmares come from and why I’ve had so many freak accidents of fires in my room. I’ve kept it mostly hidden by just forcing it down but Merlin is teaching me to control it properly so I don’t have anymore slip ups that could get me hurt.” She explained quietly.

“Is there anyone else?” He asked after a moment.

“What?”

“Is there anyone else that I have known for years that has magic and never told me?”

“Not that I’m aware of. Arthur… We couldn’t tell you. We didn’t know how you would react. I thought you would turn me into Uther and that I would be killed I’m sure Merlin thought the same thing.”

“How long did you know about Merlin’s magic?”

“I found out after you did. I always suspected just from the strange things that would happen around him but then when you started asking questions is when I figured it out. Then Merlin confirmed it when I got him to help save you.”

Arthur relaxed a little and nodded, “did he know about you?”

She nodded, “I needed to tell someone. I was so scared after the first accident that it just sort of slipped out to him and he was supportive and calmed me down, making sure I know I could always talk to him if I needed. He was the only one who knew. Well… and Gaius but somehow he doesn’t really count he just knows everything about everyone it seems.”

Arthur chuckled a little at that and nodded, he surprised himself with how easily he came to terms with this news. 

“So… So you’re not angry with me? Or going to turn me in or anything?” She asked a little nervous that he seemed so calm.

“No I’m not angry or going to turn you in. I guess magic really isn’t what I thought it was. I’m glad Merlin is helping you. I’m going to try and talk to him. Hopefully I don’t mess it up and cause him to leave again.”

“I don’t think that you will,” Morgana said gently, “I think I’ll be going to bed now. Goodnight Arthur.” She slipped out of his room and headed back to her own. Leaving Arthur to his thoughts of how to patch things up with Merlin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup two updates in a night. You MIGHT get another update tomorrow but I'm not sure yet but I'm not going to have internet all next week so I won't be able to update then. And then school starts for me so things will slow down as far as posting and writing goes when that starts... But I'll try to keep a decent schedule..  
> Anywho as usual I'm always grateful to hear what y'all think!!


	11. XI

The next morning he woke up with a plan forming in his mind and wrote two notes and called for his servant, “here. I need you to take this letter to Gaius’ chambers, this letter to the kitchens and then prepare my horse for me.” He said and handed the boy the letters.

The boy nodded and bowed, “yes, Sire.” He said and left.

Arthur went about getting himself ready for the day. And hour later the boy returned, “Your horse is ready for you, Sire and what you requested from the kitchens are already packed in the saddles bags.”

“Very good, thank you. That will be all. After you complete your morning duties you have the rest of the day off.” Arthur said and walked out his room. He mounted his horse and rode out of the city waving off the guards and knights that offered to accompany him.

He rode until he reached a nice spot at the edge of a lake and dismounted, he tied his horse to a tree and pulled the saddle bags off and began unpacking them. He laid out a blanket on the ground then set out some food. He took off his sword belt and set on the ground and sat next to it, looking out over the water. Enjoying the soft chirping of birds and gentle lap of water against the shore. He was aware that Merlin was standing just outside of the clearing, keeping an eye on him but staying out of sight.

“Merlin, you can come out now. There’s no sense in you hiding in the trees.”

There was no reply for a while until he heard the snap of a twig and looked behind him to see Merlin lowering the hood of his cloak as he stepped into the clearing.

Arthur smiled a little happy to see that Merlin would at least let Arthur see him, “you can sit and have something to eat if you would like,” Arthur said gesturing to the blanket and the food spread out on it. 

Merlin narrowed his eyes and glanced around the clearing before looking back to Arthur, “Why?”

“Because I would like you to. And I know you don’t eat nearly enough or often enough. You’re thin as a rail so join me. It’s not a trap if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Merlin looked Arthur over, he took in his relaxed posture and the sword laying a couple feet away, easily within reach if there was trouble but far enough away to show he wasn’t overly concerned of there being any. Seeing all this Merlin relented and walked over slowly removing his cloak and laid it on the ground next the blanket and sat as well.

A small smile spread across Arthur’s face as they both sat quietly and watched the water. Arthur reached over and grabbed a strawberry. Merlin tracked his movements out of the corner of his eye still not trusting him but also didn’t get up so Arthur counted that as a win. 

Merlin debated with himself for several moments before slowly beginning to eat some of the food. Neither of them spoke they just sat and ate. Eventually after they both ate their fill Arthur looked over at Merlin, “I wasn’t sure you would show yourself.” 

“I wasn’t going to.” Merlin shrugged a little.

“What changed your mind?” 

“I was curious what you were up to.”

Arthur nodded a little going quiet again.

“Why did you do this Arthur?” 

“I don’t know really. Its not something I would normally do but I felt that I should. I wanted to do something for you but didn’t know what else I could do that you would actually show yourself for.”

Merlin frowned more confused now, “Why would you want to do something for me?”

Arthur’s face heated, “I… well I’ve missed having you around,” he answered honestly.

“What?” Merlin asked looking over at him in surprise.

“Well other then being a rather dreadful servant you were good company. And although I gave you a hard time for it I liked that you didn’t treat me differently just because I’m the King’s son.”

A small smile tugged at the corners of Merlin’s mouth, “You’re right I treat you the same way I would treat any prat,” he said looking at Arthur out of the corner of his eye trying to suppress his grin.

Arthur looked at him for a minute before he laughed, “there’s Merlin. The real Merlin.” He said quietly.

Merlin smiled softly looking out over the water again seeming to be quite content with just sitting there enjoying the soft breeze off the water and the warm sun.

Arthur watched Merlin without really realizing that he was starring, “if I were to come back here tomorrow at noon, would you come again?” Arthur asked suddenly.

“I… I could probably fit it in,” Merlin said smiling.

Arthur nodded, “I have council meetings this afternoon.” He said with a groan, “they’re going to bore me to death one of these days.”

“Death by boredom is unfortunately not one of the things I can save you from. My deepest condolences,” he said shooting him a smile.

Arthur laughed and then groaned again, “I’m sorry Merlin, I have to go. My father will be angry if I’m late to another meeting.” 

“That’s quite alright.” Merlin stood looking at Arthur who also stood, stretching and picked up his sword. 

With a wave of his hand Merlin packed the remaining food and blanket back into the saddle bags for Arthur before put his cloak back on, “tomorrow then.” He said quietly and put the hood up disappearing back into the woods.

Arthur watched him go until he suddenly couldn’t see him anymore, “tomorrow,” he whispered and mounted his horse going back to the city, Merlin guarding him every step of the way.

~~~

“You seem to be in a good mood this evening Merlin,” Morgana commented, bringing Merlin back to the present where he was supposed to be overseeing her trying out a new spell.

“I… suppose I am. Sorry that I’ve been distracted tonight.”

“That's quite alright,” she said hiding her smile, “this good mood wouldn’t have anything to do with whatever made Arthur be in such a good mood this afternoon as well would it?” She asked.

Merlin looked at her, “he was in a good mood this afternoon as well?”

“Yes he was, barely paid any attention to anything that was happening in the council meeting apparently, and I heard that he didn’t show up to train the knights this morning. That he went riding somewhere instead. You wouldn’t know anything about that would you?”

“I… may know a little of where he went and what was going on.” Merlin said slowly.

She smiled at him, “did whatever he was up to go well?”

“It’s too soon to say I think. But it didn’t go badly….”

She nodded, “well I’m just glad you two are happy.” She went back to practicing until it was quite late and she needed to go back.

Merlin walked with her silently for a while. “Morgana… Do you think it will end badly if I forgive Arthur?” He asked quietly.

“That’s hard to say for sure, but I know that Arthur is trying to be a better person then he was and he has definitely gotten over his issue with magic. At least as much as he could have in a relatively short amount of time, in comparison to how long he was taught to hate it.”

“How do you know that?” He asked frowning a little.

“I was talking to him last night after I got back from working with you and he had seen me walking back into the castle and so when I went to talk with him, he asked where I had been. So I told him that I was with you. Of course he wanted to know why I was sneaking around at night with you so I told him the truth. He was shocked obviously but took it really well. It doesn’t seem to really bother him anymore.”

Merlin nodded slowly, thinking this over as they continued their walk. “I’m supposed to see him again tomorrow, that’s why I asked . Because if it’s only going to get me hurt I won’t go tomorrow. It was too nice just sitting and spending time with him to risk going again if I can’t safely forgive him.”

She nodded, “I think you should go Merlin. You clearly care for him so I think you would both be happier if you went.”

“I suppose I have until tomorrow to really make up my mind.” He sighed hating how complicated things had gotten. Again. He laid in bed turning things over and over in his mind, weighing each possibility and trying to come to a decision. 

But he went, “I see you survived your boring council meetings yesterday,” Merlin said as way of greeting Arthur when he arrived the next day.

Arthur smiled, “barely. I mean it was a very close call. Twenty more minutes and I think I would’ve been carried out of there in a coma. Like I swear the nobles saw me starting to nod off to sleep and decided to bring up more stuff about absolutely nothing. AND apparently they didn’t finish talking about all the nothing because there’s another meeting tomorrow, I think they’re doing it on purpose to see how long it takes to bore me to death.” He said glad Merlin had even come.

Merlin laughed the tension that had been clinging to him when he arrived melted away slowly and he sat, starting to eat. 

Arthur looked at him happily, glad he managed to make Merlin laugh and relax.

“I don’t know sounds like you’re getting soft if a bunch of old men talking can do you in.” Merlin teased.

Arthur mocked being offended by this, “how rude of you. I’d like to see you try and survive those meetings!” 

Merlin grinned at him, finding it mildly alarming how quickly he was beginning to trust Arthur again but didn’t mind at the same time, given how much he had missed the prat, he watched Arthur wondering what the other man was thinking about right now. 

He could feel things begin to right themselves between them and hoped it was going to continue, but didn’t know if Arthur would want this - whatever this is - to continue past this day.

They kept the topics light and fun. Neither of them talking too much about responsibilities or any of that, simply enjoying the time together. Not as a Very Powerful Sorcerer, and the Crowned Prince of a Great Kingdom, but instead, for the first time, they were just Arthur and Merlin. No status to worry about, no titles, nothing of the like. Just the two of them pretending for a few hours that they were both nobodies who could do whatever they wished with no concerns or consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so I'm back! I had a lot of fun last week but am glad to get back to writing again. I will try for a regular schedule but I have terrible time management skills so... no promises, plus I have now started my first year of University so I'm getting used to that as well but the updates will come!  
> Any comments are welcome and greatly appreciated!! Hope you're all enjoying!


	12. XII

Arthur sat by the shore the at noon waiting for Merlin to show himself like he did every day for more then a week now. The minutes ticked by as he waited, he started to get worried that Merlin wasn’t coming until he stepped into the clearing. He dropped his hood and walked over slowly wincing as he removed the cloak and sat.

“I was worried you had decided not to come. Merlin? Are you hurt?” Arthur asked worriedly.  
“I’m fine. I had something I had to deal with before meeting you here. It took longer then I thought is all.”

Arthur frowned but nodded a little, “Well I’m glad you came,” he said deciding not to push for information even though he desperately wanted to.

Merlin seemed very off to Arthur, he was too quiet, barely paying attention to anything and hardly responded when Arthur would ask a question. Arthur reached over and playfully shoved Merlin, “Earth to Merlin, where did you go?” 

“Sorry, I was just thinking about something,” Merlin said who tried to cover his wince at the sudden moment by smiling at Arthur.

“Merlin… are you injured?” He asked concern filling his eyes, having marked the pain that had flashed across Merlin’s face.

Merlin sighed, “yes. I am. I’ll be fine I just need a little before I’ll be able to heal myself.”

“What happened?”

“It’s nothing. I got in a disagreement with someone and they landed a few blows on me and I dealt with them,” he said a haunted look passing across his face but disappeared as quickly as it appeared. “But I really don’t want to talk about that. I’m fine. Just a couple of bruises on my ribs.” He waved a dismissive hand towards his side closest to Arthur.

Arthur studied Merlin for a minute but knew that Merlin’s stubbornness could rival even his own so he stopped himself from asking any of the million questions that swirled around his head and instead offered him some more food. Merlin accepted it gratefully and started eating again, Arthur started as well this time and they ate in silence for a while. Merlin finished eating and lay back on the blanket looking up at the pastel blue sky, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, his eyes fluttered closed.

Arthur stayed sitting up and just looked at Merlin taking the chance to really look at the way Merlin’s eyelashes fanned and the lines of his cheekbones and jaw, the soft curve of his mouth. 

“Didn’t anyone ever tell you it’s rude to stare?” Merlin asked softly not bothering to open his eyes.

Arthur went red “I don’t know what you’re talking about I’m not staring,” he said looking away.

Merlin grinned chuckling a little, he could tell from the sound of Arthur’s voice that he was blushing.

Arthur noticed that Merlin was still in pain from how his breathing hitched after he laughed, “I know you don’t want to talk about it but are you sure it’s just bruising on your ribs? It seems like they might be broken…”

Merlin sighed, “I don’t know. They could be. They hurt a lot and the guy hit me pretty hard… I suppose I’ll have to wait and find out if they are broken because that'll change how I heal myself.”

Arthur frowned, “Did you… did you want me to check so you don’t have to wait too long to fix them?” Arthur offered not really thinking about it.

“You know how to check for broken ribs?” He asked sceptically.

Arthur nodded, “battlefield medicine. I got Gaius to teach me so I could help check the injured to see who needed the most attention first,” Arthur explained.

Merlin looked over at him now a strange look on his face that Arthur couldn’t decipher, “Alright if you want to then sure,” he said after a minute.

Arthur moved so he was sitting next to Merlin, “now if they’re broken sitting up will just hurt them more,” Arthur said, placing a hand on Merlin’s shoulder gently when he tired to sit up. Merlin looked a little nervous but nodded and stayed how he was, “ok it’s easier to check if I pull your shirt up a little,” Arthur said thinking it best if he explained everything he was doing hoping it would keep Merlin distracted from the pain in his side. He gently pulled up Merlin’s shirt until he could see the starts of bruising, “ok this part will likely hurt, I have to press a little to feel if it’s broken.” He said and as carefully as he could pressed around feeling if anything was broken. 

Merlin pressed his hand against his mouth to stifle the whimper he let out.

“I’m sorry I know it hurts. There’s at least one break.” Arthur said pulling back from him but didn’t move away. 

Merlin looked up at him then pulled the other side of his shirt up revealing more bruising, “could you check that side as well please…?” He asked quietly knowing this level of injury was going to lead to more questions.

Arthur frowned but nodded and instead of going around to the other side of Merlin he just leaned across and started checking the other ribs. He didn’t realize what he was doing until he noticed how tense Merlin suddenly was. Arthur realize that he was leaned over Merlin in such away that he had one hand on either side of Merlin, essentially pinning him to the ground, he looked down into the wide blue eyes below him, “They… they aren’t broken on that side from what I can tell.” He said.

Merlin nodded a little looking up at him, “thank you,” he said making no move to get away from Arthur.

Arthur just stayed where he was not wanting to move away but nervous to do what it was he wanted to. Slowly, giving Merlin time to move to stop him, he leaned down and pressed a kiss to Merlin’s lips, ever so softly. Merlin made a small surprised sound and kissed him back gently, his hands came up to rest on Arthur’s shoulders pulling him closer. Both of them lost in the kiss until they finally broke apart panting a little. 

“That was…” Merlin trailed off not knowing how to say what he meant.

Arthur carefully pulled away from Merlin, “that was rude of me I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. It was presumptuous of me…”

Merlin sat up looking at Arthur tilting his head a little, “you really think if I wasn’t ok with what was happening I would’ve let it continue?” He asked.

“I don’t know… I never know what people think they have to let me away with just because of who I am.”

“When has who you are ever stopped me from telling you what I think?”

Arthur smiled a little, “that is true. You never fail to tell me off for things. It made you a rather incompetent servant but very good to have around. You made sure I was I on track.” He said looking at him softly.

Merlin smiled at him but it faded slowly and he looked sad instead, “why did you do that?” He asked.

“Why did I do what? Kiss you?” Arthur asked, Merlin nodded a little. “Because… because I have wanted to for a very long time and just acted on it now.”

Merlin nodded slowly, “right… and does it mean anything or where do you see this going?” He asked quietly.

“Where do you want it to go?” Arthur asked mostly trying to avoid having to answer Merlin.

“Uh huh you kissed me Arthur. You need to tell me what your intentions are and I’ll tell you whether or not I want to be involved in it. So what was it? Was it a one time kiss, you got it out of your system and realized it wasn’t what you wanted? Or do you want some on and off strictly physical thing? Or do you want all of it? Like a proper relationship?” Merlin asked watching Arthur carefully.

“I don’t want it to end here. I know that much… I- I think I want everything… I want you Merlin.” Arthur said after a moment knowing if he didn’t admit to it here and now he likely never would.

“You realize that if we were to be in a relationship, we would have to be equals meaning you don’t get to boss me around or any of that?” Merlin asked, much to Arthur’s frustration as he hadn’t responded as to whether or not he would also want to be in a relationship.

“I’m aware Merlin. I do know how it would have to work. I don’t expect anything other then that from you. And if you wanted to walk away I would not stop you from breaking things off with me if you wanted to.”

Merlin nodded again, “so was that you asking me or was it simply a statement of what you were considering?” He asked a small smile tugging at his lips again.

“I’m asking if that’s what you would want.”

“It- yes it is what I would want.”

Arthur grinned and Merlin leaned over kissing him again cupping Arthur’s cheek gently. They sat and talked and kissed for hours before they absolutely had to head back to Camelot.   
Arthur strapped his sword back on and Merlin put the cloak back on, only this time Merlin stuck around and walked with Arthur through the trees. Hand in hand with his prince Merlin felt as though all his dreams were coming true.


	13. XIII

They didn’t bother discussing the future as they both knew there was no point in hoping for too much not when Arthur would have to marry for the good of the kingdom and Uther would never allow Arthur to marry Merlin. Although neither of them brought it up those thoughts were still swirling around both their minds. Both coming to the same conclusion, they can just take what they have now and figure out the rest when they had to.

Arthur paced his chambers that night unable to sleep his thoughts running wild now thinking he had made a mistake showing Merlin just how he really felt when he knew it could only end in heart break and he had just gotten Merlin back in his life he didn’t want to lose him again. 

He was lost in thought and busy pacing and didn’t notice that his door had opened and Morgana had walked in quietly. She watched him pace for a minute before finally speaking up, “Arthur?”

Arthur looked over sharply startled out of thought, “Morgana?”

“I just got back. I assumed that something good happened between you and Merlin but from the look on your face when I came in perhaps I was wrong. What’s going on?”

His mouth went dry nervous to reveal just how he felt about Merlin but knew if he could talk to anyone it would be Morgana, “We were having lunch like we’ve been doing for the past week. But I… I kissed him. And apparently now we’re in a relationship?”

“Well that’s a good thing isn’t it? I mean I’ve seen how you look at him. You aren’t exactly good at hiding your feelings. He’s quite happy about this. So what’s wrong? Isn’t this what you wanted?”

“Yes… No,” he groaned and sat down, “I have wanted this but I hadn’t thought it would ever happen and well… I never thought about the after effects of this. This is just going to end in heart break. I have to marry for the good of the kingdom and have to have an heir. I have choose between Merlin and my kingdom. Not right away but eventually and as of right now I really can’t say what I would pick or what would be the right decision.” Arthur shook his head sighing, “a relationship was probably a big mistake. Giving both of us hope where there isn’t any.”

“Well for now I think that if this between the two of you makes you happy even if it’s only temporary is still worth it. You have years yet before you really have to worry about doing anything about an heir so for now screw what’s “right” and do something that makes you happy. Merlin knows who you are and what your responsibilities are. He knows what he’s getting himself into and doesn’t care, he’s just happy to be with you.”

Arthur took a deep breath and nodded, “thank you Morgana. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“Wear a trench in your bedroom floor,” she said standing.

He laughed and nodded, “probably.”

“Goodnight Arthur. Congratulations to you and Merlin for no longer being dumbasses and finally admitting what you feel for each other.”

Arthur smiled a little and watched her leave still worried but knew she was right that he wouldn’t need to choose anything anytime soon. He forced the thoughts away, instead remembering the feeling of Merlin’s mouth on his own and went to bed with a soft smile on his face.

~~~

“Prince Arthur your presence is needed immediately in the council chambers,” someone said from the door to his chambers jolting him awake. The door closed again before he responded.

Arthur got up and pulled his clothes on, heading to the council chambers. He walked inside looking around at everyone assembled, “Ah Arthur good,” his father said looking up.

“Has something happened father?”

“Yes there are reports of a creature attacking outlying villages. It’s caused several deaths and a multitude of injuries. Panic is spreading and needs to be calmed. I’m sending you and group of knights to dispatch this threat. You leave today.”

Arthur nodded, “do we know what manner of creature it is?”

“That is for you to assess when you arrive. The reports are inconsistent and unclear. Go prepare yourself and your men.”

“Yes father,” Arthur said bowing before leaving the room. He became aware that he was being followed though he couldn’t see anyone in the hall. Merlin didn’t reveal himself until they were in Arthur’s chambers where he removed his cloak, “You know it is illegal to listen in on council meetings Merlin.” Arthur said.

“Hm I’m aware but what gave you the idea I care?”

Arthur turned his back so Merlin wouldn’t see the stupid grin on his face, “is there any reason you were listening in on this particular meeting?”

“No. I’m at all the meetings. This one just happened to be interesting.”

Arthur looked over at Merlin who was leaning against the wall, “you’re at all the meetings?”

“Well not all the meetings but the majority of them yes,” Merlin said shrugging.

“So between seeing me for lunch, protecting me on hunts or patrol, helping Gaius and teaching Morgana, you also manage to listen in on council meetings?”

Merlin bobbed his head in a non-committal manner, “among a few other things.”

“How? When do you sleep?”

“I don’t really. But whenever I can I suppose is the only answer I can give. I sleep anytime I have the chance, the more exhausted I get myself the more I can actually sleep.”

“And what are these “other things” that you do?” Arthur asked curiously.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Merlin said smirking. 

Arthur shot him an exasperated look but dropped it and changed the subject, “I assume you’ll be coming along to deal with whatever threat this is?”

Merlin nodded, “I heard the reports when they were brought in. You will need magic to defeat this creature.”

“Do you want a horse? Instead of travelling on foot?”

“I would be too likely to be noticed by someone if I had a horse. I’ll be able to stick closer to where you are if I’m on foot.”

Arthur didn’t like that answer but nodded, “alright if you’re sure….”

“I am. I’ll be going to get ready, you won’t see me but I’ll be there as always.”

Arthur nodded and watched Merlin put the cloak back on and disappear out the door.

An hour later Arthur and his selected knights rode out of the city and were on their way. Arthur rode alone at the front deep in thought. Evening came and they made camp, while everyone was distracted setting up Arthur slipped away and into the woods a good distance from the group.

Merlin was waiting for him, his hood down and he smiled when he saw Arthur.

Arthur walked over and kissed Merlin gently as greeting, “I see you kept up easily enough,” he said quietly.

Merlin smiled, “I did, you set a rather slow pace. If you keep that up the knights are going to suspect something.”

“I doubt it but perhaps I did set too slow of a pace. I’ll pick it up tomorrow.”

“I’ll be fine to keep up. Don’t worry about me.”

Arthur smiled a little, “There is something that is worrying me. But I wanted to check with you first.”

“What would that be?”

“I had been thinking during the trip that it might be a good idea for someone else other then just me to know you’re here. Leon is with us and he will notice something is up. If you would rather we didn’t tell him that’s fine but I think it might be better if he knew from the get go that you’re here. And well… why you’re here.”

“Oh… um he’s awfully loyal to your father… are you sure it would be safe to tell him?”

“He’s your friend Merlin. And he’s a good man and a good knight. I highly doubt that he would betray you or me.”

Merlin frowned slightly thinking about it but nodded, “Ok bring him here and we can tell him.”

“Ok I’ll be back as soon as I can be with him without the other’s knowing something’s up.” Arthur touched Merlin's face gently before heading back to camp picking up some dryish wood to have as an excuse for where he went.

Arthur found Leon and walked over, “Sire,” Leon said bowing his head respectfully as Arthur approached.

“Leon, do you suppose I could have a word with you in private?”

“Of course, Sire,” Leon said following Arthur through the trees none of the other knights noticed, they were all busy eating their dinner and laughing with one another. Arthur lead him to where he had met with Merlin only the sorcerer wasn’t there.

Arthur frowned slightly but shrugged and looked at Leon, “I needed you to know as you’re the one most likely to realize something is amiss and you’re the one I trust the most to know this.”

Leon frowned nodding slowly not really knowing where Arthur was going with this.

“Merlin is back… but there’s somethings you need to know about him. For starters he’s here.. he was supposed to be right here, but apparently he’s leaving it to me to tell you all this.” Arthur glanced around again making sure no one was around, “he has magic. He’s a sorcerer.”

Leon hesitated but nodded, “I know. I’ve known for awhile Sire.”

“You did?” A startled voice asked from the surrounding forest. Both Leon and Arthur turned towards the sound, Merlin lowered his hood and stepped out of the underbrush.

Leon looked mildly alarmed that Merlin just appeared seemly from thin air, “I- Yes I knew. You aren’t exactly careful during battles to not let someone see you using your powers. I kept an eye on you after I realized but you never seemed to be a threat so I didn’t turn you in. You were always kind and the only time you ever used you powers were to protect Arthur so I didn’t see the harm in letting you stay around.”

Arthur just kind of stared at Leon, while Merlin smiled at him, “why didn’t you say you knew?” Merlin asked.

“Didn’t know you would react to someone knowing, especially a knight. I didn’t want to cause you undue stress by saying something and having you have to constantly worry that I would turn you over.”

Merlin nodded, “thank you. Well I’m back and Arthur said it might be a good idea for you to know since I plan on following and making sure Arthur survives this encounter. Because the creature can only be destroyed using magic. But we figured it for the best that you knew I was around as you’re the one most likely to notice.”

“How long have you been back for?”

“Er- several weeks now. I’m only back to watch over Arthur. I’m not back as his servant. He keeps me informed of when he has to go somewhere and I follow in secret and make sure he’s ok without worrying about someone seeing me.”

Leon nodded, “well thank you for telling me. And trusting me with this information. It’s good to have you back Merlin.”

Merlin smiled softly, stealing a quick glance at Arthur before looking back to Leon, “I’m glad to be back.”

“Do you have everything you need for the night?” Leon asked before Arthur even had a chance to think of it.

“Yes I have everything I need. Thank you. I’ll be camped not far from you but you won’t be able to find me. I’ll keep an eye on everything but if you think something is off or I need to know something walk away from the group and I’ll come to you.”

Arthur and Leon both nodded their understanding and watched as Merlin flicked his hood back over his head and stepped into the forest disappearing almost instantly.

“I doubt I’ll ever get used to that,” Arthur said with a frown. Leon seemed inclined to agree, they headed back to camp and sat to eat by the fire.

The next couple of days they saw nothing of Merlin but knew he was there as he made sure to snap a twig or leave a sign only Arthur and Leon would notice to let them know he was keeping up and doing fine. They made it to the small outlying village without incident.   
The beast attacked that night and they lost one knight before Arthur landed the killing blow aided by Merlin’s magic. Several knights were injured so they stayed a day in the village before heading back to Camelot to have them treated properly by Gaius. 

It was a slow trip back with the wounded but they made do. Merlin continued his habit of leaving small signs to reassure them he was still there and was ok but continued not to show himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok the last couple of chapters have been slow but things will pick up shortly. Anywho hope you enjoyed!


	14. XIV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oop I changed my mind and posted twice tonight!

They made it back to Camelot just over a week after they had left, everyone exhausted and ready for some rest and good food. They got the injured to Gaius and Arthur gave his report to Uther who was, of course, boastful that his son had slain the creature, and how strong he was in the fight against magic - nearly making Arthur choke. 

Arthur finally managed to excuse himself to his chambers, planning to write a message to Merlin asking to resume their lunches again since he missed spending time with Merlin the past week or so. He told his guards that he didn't want to do be disturbed under any circumstances and pushed through the door into his nicely lit chambers. 

His servant bowed respectfully, “would you like me to draw you a bath, Sire?” He asked.

“No, thank you. You can have the rest the night off,” Arthur said since his dinner was already there and he just wanted to eat, write the note then go to bed.

His servant bowed again and walked out closing the door behind himself. Arthur sat at the table but nearly had a heart attack when a he heard a laugh from the corner of the room, “oh sure, he gets a night off every once and a while,” Merlin said stepping into the light dropping his hood, “I never got a night off. Even if you didn’t need anything you kept me here,” he grinned at Arthur.

Arthur smiled softly, “Yes well I don’t enjoy his company like I do yours.”

Merlin took his cloak off and walked over smiling, “well I should hope not. Or I may get rather jealous,” he said bracing his hand on the back of Arthur’s chair and the table, leaning over him before kissing him gently. 

Arthur smiled pulling back from the kiss after a moment, “hmm jealous huh?”

“Oh don’t let it get to your head, Arthur or I may change my mind on it,” he said softly before claiming another chair so Arthur had some space to eat, “I thought I would drop by and make absolutely sure you hadn’t been injured in the fight, since I didn’t have a chance on the road to find out.”

“Here I was thinking you just missed me. But no I wasn’t hurt other then a couple small scratches which are mostly healed already,” he said smiling and started picking at the food, “you should eat as well Merlin.”

“Well… missing you may have effected my decision of when to see you…” Merlin admitted taking a little bit of Arthur’s food but didn’t seem too eager to eat.

Arthur watched Merlin carefully, “did you sleep or eat at all the past week?”

“Yes,” Merlin answered but was met with a disbelieving stare from Arthur, “I did!” He insisted but then amended to, “just not much. I’m very rarely hungry. I eat at the lunches with you mostly so I don’t worry you. And I don’t sleep really like I told you before…”

“Why don’t you sleep? You didn't really say…”

“I- nightmares,” he admitted after a moment’s hesitation, “I have pretty bad nightmares. So it’s difficult to convince myself to get any sleep when I just wake up in a panic and feeling worse then before I slept.”

Arthur frowned a little, “did you want to tell me about the nightmares? That might help….” He offered since he didn’t really know what else to do to help.

“I don’t remember most of them when I wake… I just remember the fear, but a lot of them are of what Aredian did to me… others are of other things that have happened to me… and some are of things like being put on the pyre, so I avoid sleeping unless I’m completely exhausted and can pass out and not dream,” he said not looking at Arthur, instead he fiddled with a strap from one of the saddle bags that Arthur had simply dumped on the table, “there’s worse dreams then those ones… there’s some that… that you’re the one lighting the pyre or passing down the sentence. Or even worse are the ones where we’re attacked and I can’t get to you in time and you die because I failed you. So I just don’t sleep until I absolutely have to.”

Arthur took a moment to wrap his mind around the information Merlin had just handed him, that the dreams Merlin found worse were the ones where Arthur was harmed, no the ones that Merlin was being hurt or killed in. It was a strange feeling for Arthur and he didn’t really know what to say in response to something like that so he just said, “Merlin… I promise you that I will never betray you like that. Ever. And it wouldn’t be your fault if something did happen to me no matter what you may think,” he reached over and gently took Merlin’s hand, “I know I’ve been an ass in the past but I want you to know I am here for you and if you need to you can tell me anything.”

Merlin smiled, “thank you Arthur. Just so you know, you’re starting to sound like a girl,” he said to lighten the mood a little.

Arthur laughed, “You must be rubbing off on me, I knew there would be some down side to being with you,” he teased, knowing Merlin needed the change in subject and was also relieved because he was feeling awkward and unsure of how to deal with sad Merlin.

They teased each other and chatted for awhile until Arthur glanced at the window and saw how dark it was and felt his heart sink, “do… do you have to go? I know you usually meet Morgana?” He asked trying to keep the disappointment from his voice. 

Merlin shook his head, “I told her we would start again tomorrow. But it is getting late… which means you ought to go to bed wouldn’t want you falling asleep during a meeting or training tomorrow, that would be rather awkward.”

“I-“ Arthur hesitated for a moment considering what he was about to ask, “would you want to spend the night here? Since it is awfully late and it seems silly for you to have to go all the way back to your chambers….” He trailed off to let Merlin fill in the blanks how he chooses and decide.

“You want me to stay the night with you?” Merlin asked slowly.

Arthur nodded, a small flicker of dread flashed through him thinking he over stepped and made Merlin uncomfortable, “I mean. You don’t have to. I was just offering- asking… it’s completely up to you if thats what you want.” He said back peddling now.

“I’d love to stay… but I don’t have anything with me to sleep in. Since I doubt you want me wearing my clothes I travelled in to bed.” 

“Well there’s an easy answer to that.” Arthur said, then went red realizing what it sounded like he was suggesting after Merlin raised an eyebrow at him, “I meant that you can just wear something of mine!” He said quickly, embarrassed.

Merlin laughed at the look on Arthur’s face, “Well if you don’t mind then ok I’ll stay.”

Arthur leaned over and kissed Merlin gently before pulling away and looking at him, “I’m still getting used to be able to just do that,” he said quietly losing himself a little in looking at Merlin’s eyes this close up.

Merlin smiled softly, “you know you’re staring,” he said quietly but didn’t move or look away from Arthur.

“I know,” Arthur said before closing the gap between them again and kissed Merlin softly. Merlin deepened the kiss and suddenly found himself straddling Arthur on his chair. Tongues, teeth, and shared breath, fingers tangling in hair, neither sure where they stopped and the other began, Arthur carried Merlin over to the bed, not once breaking the kiss. He gently laid Merlin down and braced himself over him, “tell me if you want this to stop Merlin,” Arthur whispered against his neck.

“I don’t want it to,” Merlin said softly, urging Arthur on. Clothing met the floor and soon the room was filled with soft gasps and moans, each of their movements and touches were gentle and loving. 

Their hearts racing to the same beat they collapsed together when they were finished, Merlin magic-ed away the mess while they laid tangled together on the bed and both drifted off into a deep sleep, feeling safe wrapped in each other’s arms. 

While out in the fields the plants wilted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK so things are happening again, and yea... sorry no smut in this I discovered that I am pretty terrible at writing it so I thought I'd get around it that way. Soooo anyhow I have zero self-control so you'll prolly get another update tomorrow cause I'm excited to get these chapters out! I wanna hear people's thoughts on them!!! 😁


	15. XV

Arthur woke up slowly only vaguely aware that something was off about his surroundings but couldn’t figure it out until he realized the other side of his bed was cold. Merlin was gone. Arthur groaned sitting up and got out of bed, he got dressed wondering how long Merlin had been gone for. He noticed the papers on his table had been moved around and frowned. He checked if anything was missing, there was a note sitting on the top of everything. It was hastily written in an unfamiliar hand, _I didn’t want to wake you. Sorry for leaving before you got up but didn’t want to risk your servant coming and finding us tangled together. That would’ve taken a lot of explaining. I’ll see you for lunch later._ \- Merlin. Arthur smiled a little and folded the note carefully and put it away in a drawer.

His door opened suddenly, “Sire! You’re needed immediately in the council chambers!” His servant said.

Arthur looked over seeing how upset the boy looked and hurried to the council chambers and walked in.

“Arthur, there are reports that all of the crops in the immediate area have wilted over night despite there being plenty of rain lately, and the crops farther out are slowly wilting. Whatever is causing this is spreading unnaturally fast. We must find the source of this blight and put an end to it.” Uther said upon seeing Arthur enter the room.

Arthur looked concerned, “do you suspect magic, father?”

Uther nodded grimly, “there’s no other explanation for it, it is spreading far too quickly and effectively for it to be anything but magic in origin.”

Arthur nodded, “I will get the knights organized to find whoever is responsible and make sure this is ended.” He walked out and began the searches.

For days they searched as the crops continued to fail around the lands farther and farther away from the city and the original field. Arthur was getting increasingly stressed, Uther was angry with Arthur for not finding the sorcerer yet, the only bright spot was finding small notes from Merlin left around. They were unable to spend anytime together since Arthur was busy searching and Merlin was guarding him while also searching on his own when he had the chance.

On the third day after the first crop wilted Arthur was in the council meeting being yelled at by Uther when the door opened and a very concerned Gaius walked in, “Sorry to interrupt, Sire, however this is gravely important. There are several cases of a strange disease in the city. Both in the upper and lower towns. There’s no pattern to those affected and the cases popped up almost overnight. It seems to be spreading very quickly.”

Uther frowned, “could this be linked to what is happening with the fields?”

“We have to assume, yes. I believe there is some kind of curse on Camelot. This is a strong magic, Sire. It would take a lot to create this curse and maintain it’s potency. It would need to be feeding on a life force.”

Uther frowned, “Arthur you must redouble the efforts to find this sorcerer or source. It must be discovered and destroyed before Camelot falls completely into rot and ruin,” Uther said looking concerned.

Arthur nodded but was no longer really listening to Uther he was trying to remember why those words sounded so familiar, before managing to shrug it off, “I’ll try again father but there are no traces around of who did this. Gaius? Would the source have to know that they’re the source?”

Gaius shook his head, “No, Sire, they wouldn’t know. It could just started now because they got here or something. They wouldn’t have to do anything to cause it.”

Arthur nodded, “We’ll start looking into people who got here just before this all started and go from there.”

“Very good. Get going then,” Uther said waving Arthur from the room.

Arthur walked out and spoke to all the owners of inns and boardinghouses but found nothing of any use.

Things got worse and worse over the next few days, the stores of food were all they had left, the wells ran dry, people were dying form the disease, the spread of which did not slow down no matter how they tried to contain it.

It had been a week of one bad thing after another when the attack came. The dead from the disease stood up again and began attacking people in the streets, panic ensued people shut themselves in their homes, the knights began trying to rid the city of the undead but they were losing sorely.

Fight as they may it seemed the only way to stop the creatures from continuing was hacking them into pieces. Otherwise they would continue pushing forward overpowering knight after knight. Their numbers never seeming to dwindle.

Arthur was on the front lines, “Steady men! Remember go for the legs and then the head! It will slow them down. Keep your courage!” He said and charged forward again, his knights a sea of red behind him as they advanced on the ever coming enemy.

Merlin did what he could to assist from the shadows, the screams of the injured and scared rising above the slashing swords. He tuned it out as best he could, focusing his energy on keeping Arthur and as many others alive. That was until his attention was drawn by Uther deciding to join the fighting which caused a whole shift in the way people were fighting now that there was someone they had to protect beyond just themselves.

“Father! You should be in the citadel!” Arthur yelled over the sounds of battle.

“I will not sit back while my kingdom is under attack!” Uther snapped cutting down one of the creatures. Arthur was forced away from Uther by the churning battle and was attempting to fight his way back to his side when he saw with absolute horror one of the creatures grab Uther from behind and dragged him down, several other creatures set on him as well. Uther never stood a chance.

Merlin sent a wave of power spearing for the creatures pinning Uther but knew instantly it was already too late.

The King had fallen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was too impatient to wait and post this later so anyway here ya go. sorry if it seems rushed...


	16. XVI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um. So again I have no self control and decided to post this now. Having no self control and zero attention span really is not conducive to a regular posting schedule... anyhow enough of my rambling, onto the chapter...

The once-human-creatures made a horrible amount of inhuman noise and then retreated.  
Arthur ran to his father and dropped to his knees by his side checking for signs of life but found none. He allowed himself a few moments of grief but knew what he must do and stood again, “Get the wounded inside to Gaius to attend to. We need to prepare for the creatures to return,” he ordered before turning to Leon, “Gather the lords… I must inform the court that the King has fallen.” He said not allowing himself to break down in front of everyone when they needed him to be strong. 

Everyone went about their assigned jobs, several people came over and lifted Uther’s body and moved it so it could be prepared for the funeral when all of this was over - if they survived it. Arthur went to the alcove when he knew Merlin had been working his magics from. Merlin stood in the shadows not having enough energy left in him to stay hidden through magic. 

“I’m so sorry Arthur. By the time I could see what happened to him it was already too late,” Merlin said sadly. Arthur just shook his head a little and wrapped his arms around Merlin just needing to hold onto him for a minute, he broke down and began crying finally. Merlin just held him tightly letting him get it out. 

After several minutes Arthur pulled away, “I need to address the court. They have to be informed that- that my father fell,” Arthur said quietly, sounding like he was in some sort of trance from the shock. He walked away leaving Merlin in the shadows staring after him sadly.

Mid way through briefing the court on what happened, the connection between Uther’s words from a few days ago and the memory that had been plaguing him from the start clicked into place for him and he broke off mid sentence. He had forgotten about the curse the sorceress had put on him when she kidnaped him.

“Sire? Sire I know this is a trying time for you but we must make preparations for the next attack,” Leon said gently, snapping Arthur’s attention back to the matter at hand.

“Right. Yes of course. All citizens must remain in their homes unless absolutely necessary that they go out and we will be putting up barricades to narrow the entrances to the different sections of the city to make it more difficult for the creatures to enter.” Arthur instructed. “Get started on the barriers and then gets some rest we don’t knowhow long we have before the next attack.”

“Yes, Sire.” Leon said and everyone filtered from the room to preform their duties, leaving Arthur alone to his thoughts. He frowned and went up to his chambers to get a few moments rest and with the hope that Merlin might be there so he could have someone to talk this over with.

Merlin was indeed waiting for Arthur in his chambers. He was sitting at the table fiddling with a dagger which he had taken to carrying for when he depleted his magic but still had to defend himself. 

“Should you really have a sharp object Merlin? You’re rather clumsy… more likely to stab yourself then anyone else aren’t you?” Arthur asked giving Merlin a weak smile pretending for the moment that everything was alright.

Merlin chuckled, “Probably but worth a try,” he said looking at Arthur. He stood and crossed the room leaving the dagger on the table and wrapped his arms around Arthur gently. 

Arthur relaxed into the embrace resting his chin on Merlin shoulder staring at the deadly glint of the fire light on the blade of the dagger. Making it seem as though the knife was winking wickedly at him, mocking him for something he didn’t yet understand.

“Arthur? How are you holding up?” Merlin asked softly leaning back into Arthur line of sight.

“I… I’m not ready for this Merlin. I’m not ready to be King. I- I can’t even protect my people right now. How can I lead them?”

“You’ll do great Arthur. You will defeat this enemy, you will be crowned King of Camelot and then you will lead your people into a new era. You will be you, and that means that you will rule fairly and justly and Camelot will recover from this difficult time and prosper under your rule.”

Arthur managed a small smile, “Hmm what would I do without you telling me exactly what I need to hear?”

“You won’t have to find out. Don’t think you’ll get rid of me easily Arthur Pendragon. I’ll still be by your side to call you a prat, when you need to hear it. And to make sure your pigheadedness doesn’t get you into too much trouble.”

Arthur looking at Merlin and feigned offence but couldn’t help the softness that crept into his expression when he looked at Merlin, and kissed him gently, “Thank you Merlin.”

“Now I know I recognized the slightly pained expression on your face when you came in. What were you thinking about?” He asked.

“You know Merlin you are still speaking to royalty. You really ought to mind your mouth,” he said a small laugh managing to break free. “I think I know who is the cause of all the things that are happening. The sorceress that kidnapped me. She put a curse on me. I forgot about it completely. I mostly just ignored what she was saying. She just raddled out random words, and spoke in riddles. I figured it was just a bunch crap but my- my father said something the other day that caught my attention because it was something I had heard before. He said about Camelot falling into rot and ruin which is what she told me the curse would do. But still don’t understand is what caused it to take affect all of the sudden… I mean that was a year ago that she cursed me… and I don’t know how to break it.”

Merlin frowned, “what did she say exactly?”

“She said that if I want to save Camelot that I would have to stab the heart of the heart of Camelot or the kingdom would fall into rot and ruin. She told me the curse would take affect when the two hearts beat as one. I have no idea what any of that means.” Arthur said anxiety spreading through him rapidly threatening to choke him only his years of training to control his emotions made it possible for him to force air into his lungs and remain standing. 

Merlin’s brow furrowed as he thought it over, “we will figure it out Arthur but for now you should sit and rest a few minutes while you can. You’ve had a very hard day,” Merlin said gently practically shoving Arthur into a chair before sitting next him and holding Arthur’s hands.

Arthur stared at their joined hands before looking up and studying Merlin’s face in the dim light. The door opened suddenly Merlin didn’t have a chance to move out of sight thankfully it was just Leon, “Sire. They’re coming back already.” He said glancing between Arthur and Merlin but didn’t comment. 

Arthur nodded and stood. As did Merlin who stuck the dagger through his belt again and walked out of the room with Arthur and Leon preparing for another fight. They strode into the courtyard and Arthur looked around at the assembled knights and other fighters as many of the townsmen had chosen to fight. Arthur had no words of encouragement to say so he simply raised his sword, “for the love of Camelot!” He cried and the gathered men chorused it back to him. The fighting began a new and the seemingly endless stream of creatures flowed through the gate, hindered slightly by the barricades Arthur had instructed to be built. As before Merlin stayed in the shadows aiding with magic where he could. 

Arthur lost himself, seeing nothing more then the opponent in front of him and the swing of his sword. His concentration was broken however by Merlin gabbing him and pulling him out of the fight, “Merlin! What the hell are you doing?!” Arthur yelled at him as Merlin dragged him away to a small alcove, where an injured Leon stood, leaning against the wall.

“I… Arthur I figured out what you have to do to end all of this.” Merlin said.

“You did? Well thats great! What is it?” Arthur asked wondering why neither Merlin or Leon looked happy about this. 

“Arthur… Do you love me?” Merlin asked his blue eyes wide staring at Arthur.

“I- Merlin… this isn’t the time for this.”

“Just- Yes it is Arthur. Do you love me?”

“Yes… Merlin. With all my heart.” Arthur said after a moment. Looking rather embarrassed being forced to admit it especially in front of one of his knights, but Leon just looked inexplicably sad when Arthur said it.

Tears filled Merlin’s eyes and he kissed Arthur gently, Arthur could feel the tears slipping down Merlin’s face, “Merlin, what is going on how do I put an end to this?” Arthur asked urgently, “because if you hadn’t noticed people are dying so the sooner we can put an end to it the better.”

“She told you how to end it, you have to stab the heart of the heart of Camelot. Well Arthur. You are the heart of Camelot. It’s through you that it will live on. The heart of the heart. Meaning who you love,” Merlin said gently, Arthur was staring at Merlin, mouth slightly parted hearing the words but his mind refused to process them.

“I… I still don’t understand.” He said slightly dazed.

Merlin huffed a laugh despite the tears still in his eyes, Merlin took Arthur’s hand gently and wrapped his fingers around something cold. He looked down at where Merlin cupped his hand that was now holding the dagger Merlin had been carrying, “I think you do understand, Arthur.”

It all clicked for him then. The knife being the finally smack he needed for it to make sense, “no- no I can’t. There has to be another way!” Arthur said trying to let go of the handle and pull away from Merlin, but Merlin kept his grip on Arthur not letting him do either.

“You said it yourself, Arthur. People are dying and we need to get it over with and stop this. It’s one life for so, so many. My life does not out weigh those of the entire kingdom.”

Arthur felt tear stinging his eyes, “I can’t lose you Merlin. I need you.” He said quietly, hating that he was feeling so weak.

“You’ll be ok Arthur. I know you will be. You’re strong and good. Make this Kingdom what it should be. A great and prosperous land,” Merlin said softly cupping Arthur’s cheek gently, “I love you too Arthur. Just so that you know. I trust you to be the King this land needs.”

Arthur stared into the blue eyes he loved so much, taking a moment to memorize them, before he tightened his grip on the dagger and thrust it sharply forward.


	17. XVII

He plunged it forward directly into Merlin’s chest until the grip made contact and he pulled it back out, blade stained red.

Merlin made a choking, gasping sound and his knees gave out, dropping the dagger Arthur caught Merlin, gently lowering him to the ground his tears splashed onto Merlin face. Merlin looked up at Arthur the light slowly fading from his eyes, “no man is worth your tears,” he murmured to Arthur.

“You are,” Arthur said his voice shaky, “I love you Merlin and I always will.” He pressed his lips to Merlin’s then Merlin forehead unable to watch as the last of the light disappeared from Merlin. He knew when it happened however, when Merlin went limp in his arms and he could hear cheers from the men in the courtyard as the creatures dropped to the ground and the battle ended. But Arthur felt no joy for the ending of the battle all he could feel was the dampness of the blood- Merlin’s blood seeping into his clothes and the limpness of Merlin’s body in his arms.

Eventually Leon knelt next to Arthur, “Sire… you must address the men. They need instructions. I will take care of Merlin,” he said softly.

Arthur looked at Leon not sure he really understood what he had been told to do but his body obeyed even when he mind didn’t wish to. He shifted Merlin’s lifeless body to the ground gently and stood his legs shaking and looked down at Merlin but his mind refused to comprehend what had happened so he simply walked out of the alcove and to the steps. He mounted them and turned to speak to the men, “Get the wounded inside for treatment. Gather the- the dead and lay them in the square, then everyone can get some rest. We will begin the funeral preparations tomorrow.” He said loudly but his voice came out hollow and distant.

Everyone did as instructed and Arthur turned to see Gaius stepping out the door and approaching him, “Sire, I heard the battle ended, the creatures how were they stopped?” He asked but halted as soon as his saw all the blood, “Arthur are you injured?” He asked concerned.

“Not my blood,” he murmured not able to make eye contact with Gaius.

“Who’s blood is it Sire?” Gaius asked frowning. Arthur made a strange noise, somewhere between a sob and a whimper before forcing himself to calm down and looked at Gaius, “it’s Merlin’s.”

“Where is he? I need to see to him,” Gaius said not realizing that Arthur meant Merlin was gone.

“Gaius… I’m so sorry Merlin is-“ he couldn’t bring himself to say it and instead just pointed towards the alcove, half hoping that if he didn’t admit it then it wouldn’t be true. That he wouldn’t have just killed the man he was in love with. Hoped maybe he had been wrong, that Gaius would walk over there and patch Merlin up and Merlin would wake up and make some stupid sarcastic comment about something Arthur had done and everything would be how it was supposed to be. He watched as Gaius crossed the courtyard, stepping into the alcove and stopped in his tracks, and from that he knew that his hope was lost.

Gaius looked at the lifeless body on the ground at his feet and knew without a doubt there was nothing he could do to help. He looked at Leon who stood watch unsure what he should do with his friend’s body, “what happened?” Gaius asked voice thick with emotions.

“I’m sorry for your loss Gaius. Last year when Arthur was kidnapped by the sorceress and Merlin went to save him, she cursed them both. Which is what we’ve been seeing the effects of. The curse could only be broken by Arthur stabbing Merlin through the heart. Merlin figured it out and urged Arthur to do it to save Camelot. He knew what had to be done and Arthur did what he had to.” Leon said sadly.

Gaius covered his mouth and looked down at Merlin again then back to Leon, “He’ll have to be moved to be prepared for the funeral. I- I have patients to look after.” Gaius said cooping the only way he could, by looking at this not as Merlin's father-figure but as a physician, suddenly very glad for the distraction that would offer him.

Leon nodded, “I will deal with it. I will also inform the Lady Morgana and Gwen of his passing they ought to be told.”

Gaius nodded, “yes… that would be a good idea…”

“He didn’t suffer Gaius. It was quick. Just thought it might comfort you to know that at least.”

Gaius nodded, “thank you Sir Leon. You’ve always been very kind.” He went back to the citadel to give himself something to focus on.

Leon did as he said he would and carefully moved Merlin’s body to where the rest of the dead had been laid, he was aware of Arthur watching him silently from the top of the steps but by the time he had set Merlin down carefully and turned Arthur was gone.

Leon sighed and went in search of Gwen or Morgana. He found Gwen first as she was hurrying down the corridor towards the door.

“Gwen? May I have a word with you?”

“I’m sorry Leon, I need to get fresh water for cleaning injuries,” she said and went to hurry past him outside.

“I need to tell you this immediately, Gaius will understand.” He said not wanting her to go outside and see it for herself.

She frowned but stopped and looked at him, “ok? What is it?”

“I’m very sorry to have to inform you…” he hesitated trying to find the right words for what he had to tell her.

She felt ill, “Leon just tell me. What is it? Or… or who?”

“Merlin… Merlin didn’t make through the battle.” He said gently.

She dropped the bucket she was holding and covered her mouth, “No…” she shook her head a little not wanting to believe it.

“I’m sorry. I know you two were very good friends…”

“Do Arthur and Morgana know?” She asked finally.

“Arthur was… there when it happened. I found you first I have yet to tell Lady Morgana,” he said gently.

“I- I can tell Morgana.”

He nodded, “I’ll get that water for Gaius so you can go to her now.”

“Did he… was it bad?” Gwen asked quietly.

“It was fast. He didn’t suffer any.”

“And Arthur..? How is he holding up?”

Leon shook his head a little, “I’m not sure he has accepted it yet and I’m not sure where he went.”

Gwen nodded slowly, “I’ll… I’ll check on him after I tell Morgana.”

Leon stooped and grabbed the bucket, watching as Gwen hurried off to find Morgana, her shoulders hunched forward trying to control her sobs.

She went to Morgana’s chambers knowing she had retired there earlier for a little rest after helping Gaius all day. She walked in quietly deciding that if Morgana was asleep she wouldn’t wake her for this news. Morgana was, however, sitting at her table, Gwen could tell she was tried from the way her shoulders slouched and how she had her head propped up on her hand. “My Lady,” Gwen said gently to alert her to her presence.

Morgana sat up, looking over, “Gwen. If you’re needed by Gaius I can manage on my own. And I’ll be back to help again shortly.” She said but saw the look on Gwen’s face when she stepped into the light, “Gwen what’s happened? Has someone else died?” She asked a lump of dread forming in her stomach. Gwen nodded trying to hold back tears, Morgana got up and went over to her, and gently rested her hands on her shoulders, “who?” Morgana asked gently her mind running through a bunch of possibilities.

“Merlin…” Gwen said quietly her voice breaking before she could say more.

Morgana's mind stalled feeling like the floor was shifting under her feet, “wh-what? No…” Morgana’s voice cracked, tears shining in her eyes.

“I’m so sorry my lady. I know you and Merlin spent quite a bit of time together. Leon said it was quick. He… he didn’t suffer. Arthur was with him when he passed so he wasn’t alone.” Gwen said softly holding Morgana’s hand gently.

“Arthur was there? He saw it? Oh god. I need to go find him. There’s no way he’s handling this well.”

Gwen frowned a little, “I know they were close but I mean this isn’t the first time Arthur has lost a friend…”

“You didn’t know? I thought Merlin would have told you… Him and Arthur were more than just friends Gwen. Much more then that.” Morgana said.

“I- oh. No Merlin never said. Although we didn’t have much of a chance to speak much after he resigned from working in the castle… now we never will… Oh poor Arthur. Are you ok to go find him?” Gwen asked kindly.

Morgana nodded, “I’ll be fine. If you need a few minutes to gather yourself you can stay in here until you’re ready to do whatever it is you need to do.” Morgana said gently.

She hugged Gwen before heading off to search for Arthur. She found him finally in the armoury, still covered in blood just staring at his hands. Morgana covered her mouth at the sight of him, “oh… Arthur.” She said quietly and walked over.

“I’ll have to tell his mother,” he murmured. She sat next to him on the bench, “This is my fault. I did this. Why did it have to be him?”

Morgana looked at him sadly, “this isn’t your fault Arthur,” she said gently.

“Yes… yes it is. I killed him.” He whispered still staring blankly.

Morgana just shook her head, “Arthur no. Stop. How did you kill him? He died in battle.” She said gently.

Arthur looked up at her now, his eyes were empty, “No Morgana. He died _ending_ the battle. Ending the curse. After I plunged the knife into his chest, he bled out and died in my arms. Because of me. Because I had to choose in the worst possible way between him and my kingdom. I knew I would have to pick but not yet and not in such a- a final way. I was the one who held the dagger and stabbed him. He was the source of the curse that was going to destroy the kingdom. I did what I had to do to save the land but- but why couldn’t have been me instead of him?”

Morgana covered her mouth tears shining in her eyes again, “I’m so sorry Arthur. Why… why are you down here in the armoury instead of your chambers?” She asked softly.

“I came to take my armour off… and my room reminds me too much of him.”

Morgana nodded a little and reached over and helped him undo his armour, “Arthur, you are not to blame for how this went. The sorceress that cursed you is to blame. You did the only thing you could and I am sure Merlin knows that. And he would want you to carry on. Your kingdom still needs you. I know you’ve already given so much but it still needs you. But Arthur, no matter how it feels right now, you are not alone in this. You still have me, Gwen, Gaius, the knights. You can make it through this I promise.” Morgana said gently.

Arthur looked up at her, eyes hollow but he nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here's the update as promised. Um it came a little later then I intended it to because today (Sep 11) was my 19th birthday so I let myself do pretty well nothing all day to that was fun haha. Anyhow would love to hear what you're all thinking about this right now!  
> (As of right now there is only one more chapter to this story. But I'll talk more about that when I post it)


	18. XVIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE read the note at the end!! Thank you 😁 and enjoy!

Camelot came back stronger then ever, the crops just resumed growing as if they never wilted, the water returned and anyone who was ill with the sickness, that had not die yet, was healed. Arthur was being crowned king that day but wasn’t the same, he was quiet and reserved. Only a few really knew what happened during that battle the rest was mere speculation.

His servant was silently helping him prepare for the ceremony that would name him King of Camelot. He felt off balance again like he had when him and Merlin had been fighting but only worse now. It felt permanent, and worse then before. Like he had been set adrift in the ocean on nothing more then a piece of wood and a storm was brewing threatening to send him under the waves into oblivion.

“Do you need something to drink, Sire?” His servant asked noticing the stricken look on Arthur’s face.

“No. Thank you,” he said trying to be polite to the boy but was finding it difficult when he didn’t feel like being kind or even interacting with anyone at this moment. The boy nodded and went about completing some of his other chores while Arthur’s mind yet again wandered off to thoughts of a blue eyed, messy haired sorcerer.

“It’s time, Sire,” Leon said poking his head into the room. Arthur followed Leon down the corridors silently.

He entered the throne room and walked up the isle to the base of the steps forcing himself to stare straight ahead instead of scanning the crowd for a face he knew would not be there. He could barely focus on what he was supposed to be saying and almost messed up the oath but caught himself. After the ceremony was over he sat on his throne and looked out across his gather court as the king for the first time. He knew that he should be happier, that he had finally achieved what he had been raised to be but the only person he wanted there to see this was dead. _You know he’s not there. Quit looking for him._ He chastised himself when he realized he was stupidly scanning the crowd for Merlin, who he was fairly certain would be grinning that ridiculously large grin that Arthur loved so much were he there.

~~~

Arthur stood on the balcony of the castle looking out across the square and the people gathered there for the announcement he was going to make. He looked at Morgana who stood to his right, she smiled encouragingly.

“As of today, as my first act as King of Camelot, the ban on magic has henceforth been repealed. No longer will someone need to fear for their life because they use magic. Know this though, should magic be used for dark purposes you will still be held accountable and will be punished accordingly.” He said loud and clear for everyone to hear. There was a murmur of uncertainty. “I know this is a sudden change but it is something that should have happened a long time ago. My life and all of your lives have been saved on countless occasions by magic. Most recently during the battle that ended here in this square. A sorcerer sacrificed himself for the protection of this kingdom and it’s people. His sacrifice will not be forgotten and must be honoured. Through this law we honour that and the countless other sacrifices he made in defence of this Kingdom. This law is in effect as of now,” Arthur said clearly before turning and heading back inside.

He returned to his chambers after a brief council meeting, that mostly consisted of the lords telling him off for not consulting anyone on the law change, and sat at his desk to begin on some of the paperwork that had been piling up but couldn’t focus. He pulled a small stack of slips of paper from his desk drawer and read them over. Tears forming in his eyes, as he read over the now familiar script of Merlin’s writing. He had these notes memorized by this point but it was all he really had left of the man he loved. “I wish you could be here to see this. You would finally be free Merlin. You could finally be safe here.” He said quietly.

There was a knock on the door to his chambers and Leon poked his head in, “Sire you’re needed in the throne room. There are some people here to speak with you.”

Arthur nodded, “I will be down in a moment,” Arthur said, his back was to the door so Leon could not see the look on his face or the tears in his eyes. The door closed again and Arthur took a moment to compose himself. He splashed his face with cold water then headed down to the throne room. He entered and there was a group of three people standing there, all cloaked so he could tell nothing more about them.

He frowned but stood at the base of the steps to the throne and looked at them, “You wished to have an audience with me?”

“Yes we did. We came to speak to you about Emrys,” one of the three said.

Arthur frowned then looked around at the people who were there, “Everyone else out. Leon you can stay,” he ordered. Everyone else looked rather put out but filtered out of the room. Once they were gone Arthur turned his attention back to the three in front of him, “This isn’t the first time someone has mentioned this “Emrys” to me. But I don’t know who that is.”

“My apologies,” the same person said and lowered his hood, the other two following suit, “we thought you would know. In that case you knew him as Merlin.”

“Merlin is- was… Emrys?”

They nodded, “Yes. And the Druids have had many prophecies about him. He was the most powerful sorcerer to walk the Earth. And he was our King of sorts I suppose you could say. Anyway. We came to tell you that before his death he had been working with us to secure a connection between the Druids and Camelot. He wanted to make sure that when the time came there could be peace between us. He meant to be the one to work out all the details but as that is no longer possible we wanted to come and speak with you ourselves. We would like to ensure peace between our peoples. And after the announcement today we also would like to thank you for removing the ban on magic.”

Arthur nodded slowly, “Of course. We can work together and make sure things are going smoothly for all of us. So… this was the other things he was working on… gaining… gaining Camelot more allies?”

“Yes. And he did a lot to ensure it as well.” The woman of the group said speaking for the first time.

“What did he have to do?” Arthur asked, curious to know just how much Merlin did for the Kingdom without looking for any recognition.

“There were trials and such he had to complete but other then that he didn’t have to do much for our groups. There were others that he found who pushed back against what he was asking. Some of them quite literally. In those instances he had to remind them who he really was, through whatever means necessary.” The first of the group spoke again.

Arthur nodded making the connection now to the injuries Merlin had shown up with several times, “so the Druids, they are willing to be allies with Camelot?”

“Yes. The main term was the ban on magic being lifted but that has already occurred so there will still need to be a few negotiations but yes we will ally with Camelot.”

Arthur smiled a little and nodded, “thank you.”

They bowed to Arthur who bowed in return, they put their hoods back and prepared to leave but the third one of them paused and turned back, “he always spoke very highly of you Arthur Pendragon. You meant a great deal to him. And he would be very proud to see what you have done.” They said softly before leaving.

Arthur found himself smiling a little. He was sad that Merlin hadn’t gotten to see his hard work and sacrifices pay off but was happy that he would be able to finish what Merlin had started and do it in his name.

~~~

After months of getting everything in order and dealing with disturbances in the peace from people either revolting against the magic ban repeal or misusing magics, Arthur decided to take sometime to himself and went for a ride to where Merlin and him would have their lunches. He sat on a blanket, listening to soft sounds of his horse eating grass, birds flitting through the air chirping merrily, the water lapping softly against the shore. He closed his eyes taking a deep breath of the autumn air, enjoying the warmth the sun still held as it shone down on him soft and golden. A soft peace filled him for the first time since he lost Merlin. The world was slowly righting itself.

“So no food today?” A voice asked from behind him, soft enough he thought he imagined it. He shot to his feet and whirled around in case it was a trap.

Merlin stood there, grinning at him, cloak discarded on the ground, his dark hair shining in the sun, his blue eyes bright, dancing with joy and _life_.

“Merlin?” Arthur asked his voice barely more than a whisper looking at him.

He nodded, “it’s me Arthur.” He said softly, stepping towards Arthur but he took a step back away from Merlin.

“I- You died. I know you did. How are you here?” Arthur asked, fearing he had gone mad.

“It was a test. The sorceress thought you were as selfish as your father was. So she wanted to know what would happen if you were forced to choose between the one you loved and your people. Plus at the time she wanted to get revenge on me, she believed I had chosen the enemy over my own kind. When you chose to sacrifice me it proved to her that you were different especially when you repealed the ban on magic despite her actions. Which also show her why I had spent years protecting you. So she brought me back. I mean it was easier since I’m basically immortal. Anyway she brought me back no tricks or strings attached she just wanted to right her wrongs. I’m real. I promise.” Merlin said softly, holding his hands out towards Arthur.

Arthur hesitated desperately hoping this was real, he crossed the distance between them slowly, there was a slight tremor in his hands worried that his fingers would just pass through Merlin's as if he were made of nothing more then smoke when he reached out. He let out a small sob of relief when Merlin's hands were solid and warm beneath his fingers, he took a moment to marvel in the dawning realization that he was touching Merlin again.

Once it sunk in that Merlin wasn't going to disappear when touched Arthur pulled him into a bone crushing hug. Arthur just held him tightly feeling the world shifting back into place a little more when Merlin's arms came up and wrapped around Arthur's waist tightly, making him feel safe and complete again. When he could bring himself to, he leaned back and took in the blue eyes staring back at him, revelling quietly in the life in them, before leaning in and kissing Merlin softly, feeling his world snap back into place fully and finally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright well there you have it! The end of this story! I really hope you enjoyed it and kudos to you if you read this train wreck all the way through😂  
> So I have said this is the last part BUT I have thought about later writing another part or two about a little later in time... But I'm not totally sure yet. It would be a bunch of fluffy stuff so if that is something you would like let me know in the comments!! (I have a couple ideas but I'm not sure I'll do them unless someone wants to read it haha)  
> So yea, so last part for now and I would absolutely love to hear what everyone thought of it!


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